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Have you been finding it difficult to attract the right
kinds of women? You may think you’re a correct
guy and you have the looks and the swag but then
you get a harsh surprise when you make a move
on the babe you’ve been eyeing and she turns you
down unceremoniously. Here are a few reasons why: 1. Lack of Ambition: Contrary to popular belief, not all women are looking to just date rich
guys. What is more important to us is: do you
know where you are going and how you
want to get there? Having no future ambition is
a major deal breaker for most ladies.
Unfortunately, a lot of men these days are spoiled and unwilling to do a honest day’s
work. Some even want their mates to provide
everything for them. All women want a man
who is capable of being a provider. They don’t
want a man who keeps asking for soft loans
every week. Even if things are tight for you, she’ll appreciate you making an effort. Guys
you need to learn to hustle! To show her you
can be a provider, you don’t need to ply her
with so many expensive gifts. For many
women, the thought behind the gifts actually
matters more than the gift itself. You can give little inexpensive gifts. Gifts that you can easily
afford. Even a thoughtfully written card goes a
long way. By the way, we want men who can
buy us fuel when we need it. (Really, the fuel
situation is not funny at all). 2. Uncontrollable Rage or Temper: Anger, if not well managed, is always a bad thing but some
Nigerian men have the legendary anger of
Sango. When they’re angry they can smash
anything in sight, even human heads. Well if
you are such a man, then you can kiss dating
goodbye because women won’t stand for such barbaric behaviour. What is more, these
days they’d make sure you pay for such
behaviour for example getting you hauled off
to jail. Sometimes men unleash the anger in
form of verbal abuse. Words that have the
ability to cut down and destroy another person. The tone of voice is also important
because women don’t like being shouted at.
Don’t be surprised if a woman doesn’t pick
your call again the day after you say such
cutting words to her in a fit of anger. 3. Arrogance: In Episode 1 of Suits, Rachel said to Mike: “You know what nobody likes?
Nobody likes a show-off.” She was right as she
spoke for a majority of women. Being arrogant
is not the same thing as being confident. Being
confident means you know how to handle
yourself but being arrogant means you don’t know how to treat others. Women crave
respect from their men. They don’t want to be
shouted at or laughed at for their opinions.
Women have a voice and they should be
heard. Listen to her once in a while. She’d like
to know that you think she’s smart enough to ask for her advice on your personal issues.
Ladies love a man who treats them and others
with respect, who respects their opinions and
the opinions of others and is willing to listen to
corrections and suggestions. Guys note that
the slur: “Na woman. Wetin she know?” is totally unacceptable. 4. A Slob: When you marry a woman, she becomes your wife not your maid. So all those
men with sloppy habits such as throwing dirty
clothes all over the place, leaving wet towels
on the bed, not sweeping or dusting or
cleaning for weeks and not giving their dishes
the benefits of having contact with soap and water (you know yourselves) you had better
wake up! One lady said: “If I decide to marry a
guy that means we decide to share our lives
together. That means we share everything
including house chores.” If we can go the
extra mile to make your ofe nsala, then you don’t need to be prodded to pick your socks
off the floor. Besides, there’s no rule that says
you can’t be the one to make the ofe nsala sef.
Am I right ladies? 5. Poor manners: Arggh. Some of our naija men seem to have been living with Tarzan in the
jungle for years. How else do you explain
some of their bizarre behaviour? One friend
told me that on a first date she went out with
this man and they ordered goat meat and
pepper soup. The man slurped the soup noisily as if he had not eaten in weeks and
then when he attacked the goat meat it
seemed like he was chewing nails with his
mouth open. My friend summed up the date
thus: “He no try at all.” It’s also in poor taste
when you fix dates and don’t show up for them or when you show up late and have
nothing to offer but lame excuses. Calling
beforehand is only proper. Having good
manners also means cultivating some form of
thoughtfulness. Women really appreciate a
guy who is thoughtful. We don’t really want to have to spell out our needs to you one by one.
We’d appreciate it a lot more if you can figure it
out and offer to help. Thoughtfulness means
remembering special dates. Getting us a cold
drink when you see how tired we are. Offering
to help us with our luggage. Helping us get ready for a presentation at work. Naija guys I
ask you, how often and when last did you do
this for your woman? Nothing brings a wider
smile to a woman’s face than a thoughtful guy. 6. Nags/Dictators: Goodness me, there is nothing more frustrating than a man that nags.
They can go on and on and on about why you
should or shouldn’t do this or that. Some men
have the gift of making other people feel very
small by constantly criticizing them. The fact
that you are my significant other doesn’t mean you must dictate to me what to eat, what to
wear or who I can talk to. Instead of doing
that, men should spend more energy affirming
their mates. A lot of men forget to do this,
thinking well she already knows how great
she is. Well, sometimes she needs to be reminded just how special she is! Chances are,
if she’s the gem you think she is, other people
haven’t failed to notice it and are admiring her
and telling her in person. And really, we don’t
enjoy nudging you to do it. How do you show
that girl that you love her? Affirm her always. 7. Flirting with other ladies/Cheating: One characteristic about being in a relationship is
that it is exclusive, that means not having
anybody else in the relationship except you
guys agreed from the onset that you have
decided to keep an open relationship.(Hmm,
does this happen in Naija?) News flash! We don’t think the fact that you have side chicks is
cool. Neither is trying to ogle our friends or
chat them up right under our noses. That’s just
plain disrespect and we won’t stand for it. 8. Over-possessiveness : Some men can get all bent out of shape over nothing and this is a
great turn off. A friend told me about a guy
who was interested in her who threw a
tantrum because she went to see a movie with
a platonic male friend. She couldn’t understand
his anger because she hadn’t even agreed to go out with him yet. Worse, he started calling
her incessantly wanting to know where she
was every hour of the day and night and who
she was with. My friend couldn’t deal with it
and cut him off quickly. Such guys can be so
exhausting. Give us space to breathe please so that we don’t get suffocated. 9. Lying: Women love a guy who is transparent. They want to have honest, meaningful
relationships. There’s no need to act dodgy
with someone you are in a relationship with.
Why do you get into a relationship in the first
place if it’s not to share your heart with that
person? Let her see to the very core of you. Don’t be afraid to share your thoughts or your
feelings with that person. It makes her feel
valued and she’ll be more encouraged to
share hers with you too. It goes without
saying that you need to be honest. Be honest
about your past. Be honest about your present too. If you really want a long term relationship
with that person, don’t keep skeletons in your
cupboard. She’s bound to find out one day. Its
better she hears it from you first. Pathological
liars are deal-breakers for women. 10. A Bore: Women want a man who can make them laugh. Their definition of their having a
good time during a date is if the fellow was
able to make them laugh. They usually rate
such guys highly. It’s not about cramming a lot
of jokes from a book. It’s more about being
able to see the funny side of a situation or event. If you haven’t got a sense of humour,
don’t worry an enlightened member of the
male gender once told me that it could be
cultivated. You just need to be willing to learn.
Even if a woman isn’t talkative by nature, she’d
still like you to listen to what she has to say. Not just hear what she’s saying but actually
listen. Pay her the compliment of your full
attention. You can’t fake it. Your body
language, eye contact and even your
responses would demonstrate if you’re
listening or not. A guy that can listen is just, well… irresistible. On a final note, one major requirement which
cannot be left out of this piece is balance. Many
women agreed that they wanted a balanced
person. A balanced person is someone who can
juggle a lot of things and still give them proper time
and attention. They want a man who can prioritize his relationship, his work, his family and his
relationship with God. These days, life rushes us by
at break-neck speed. Ladies want a man who is not
so caught up in the rat-race that he has no time for
other things. They want a man they can hope to go
on vacations with, who can make himself available to hold their hand when they need it. Such men
exist, don’t they? I’d like to reiterate what I said in the previous article
and that is that wholesome relationships work on a
balancing mechanism. Everybody has a right to
make the list of what they want or don’t want. We
all have our preferences but no one is perfect and
that’s why we must be willing to look at the bigger picture. It takes two to tango. The more important
question is to ask ourselves if we are actually the
kind of partners we would want to be with. If love
and acceptance is what we want in the end, then
we must be willing to give it to get it. Of course, this is not an exhaustive list so feel free
to add your opinions in the comments section.
Ladies, what turns you off in men? Guys, what have
you noticed tends to put women off from dating
you? Let’s hear your thoughts.
