Here are a few
things we know about cheating and what we
can do to prevent it:
1. The younger the man is when he gets
married the greater the possibility is that he
will cheat
Young men should ensure that they are in
healthy mentoring relationships with other
men who can help them process through
feelings and situations that could lead to
them cheating. At some level, all men should
have other faithful men in their life that can
help them process through difficult times.
2. True signs of infidelity are often seen in
retrospect
Signs of cheating normally show up as little
inclinations with limited certainty. But are
later made very clear, after the cheating has
already occurred. Couples rarely talk about
feelings of cheating because they don’t feel
safe enough. I mean, most men would never
say, “Baby, I’m feeling like having s*x with the
secretary. Can you help me?” And most
women could not handle a conversation like
that anyway. But, more mature couples
understand that life brings temptations and
they attempt to talk about them and get
through them together.
3. It is emotionally possible to have feelings
for more than one person.
The reality of relationships is that it is very
possible to have feelings for more than one
person at the same time. It is difficult to
manage a secretly intimate relationship with
another person, but it is possible. Women
should realize that it is possible for their
husband to have feelings for another person
and not think that just because he loves her
“so much” that it could never happen. Couples
have to be able to talk about this possibility
and have an emergency plan to handle it if it
does happen. Marriage is no fairy tale.
4. Attractiveness plays a major role in who
men cheat with.
Men should take responsibility for knowing
what kind of women are their “type”. They
should avoid every situation where a woman
of their “type” is involved. Don’t hire, don’t
hang out with, don’t spend alone time with,
don’t friend on Facebook, call… … guess you
get the point. Acting like your wife is the only
woman you could ever be attracted to is a
sure set up.
5. Cheating is highly predicated on
opportunity.
Cheating’s best friend is opportunity. Men who
cheat spend a tremendous amount of time and
effort planning their opportunities to cheat. If
you have ever had a fleeting moment in your
alone travel that made you feel like doing
something wrong, then stop traveling alone.
Monitor how you plan your schedule and make
sure that you don’t plan opportunities for
yourself to fall.
6. s*xual desire and satisfaction impact
cheating.
Make sure that you’re not only having s*x, but
you are having good and satisfying s*x with
your partner. Match each other’s s*x drive
and s*xual satisfaction level. Remember that
self service will eventually decrease intimacy
and lower s*xual intimacy with your partner,
so use that energy with your partner. Talk
about your s*xual experience; what could be
better and what was right on point.
7. Men with Avoidant or Dismissive
Attachment Styles are more likely to cheat.
Men who avoid confrontation and don’t like
talking about problems are at a higher risk of
cheating. These men are sometimes
uncomfortable with intimacy and have a
difficult time emotionally expressing
themselves. Men need to force themselves to
have intimate conversations with their wife
and be vulnerable. At the same time, women
need to help men feel like they can talk about
“anything”.
8. Couples that are afraid to tell the truth and
talk about their problems are at greater risk of
infidelity.
Men who have a hard time talking about
general problems, such as finances and family
issues will have a more difficult time talking
about their infidelity. Men who lie about little
things will obviously lie about adultery. Men
need to take risk to tell the truth about things
they feel may make their wives upset. The
better they get at telling the truth about little
things, the more confident they will be at
talking about and telling the truth about the
big things.
9. Men who have had multiple s*x partners
and or a family history of men who have
cheated are at greater risk.
Men need to realize that there are some
women and people in their lives that are due
their forgiveness. Men should take
responsibility for their past s*xual
relationships and vow to s*xual purity with
one woman. Even when the woman they love
is not the woman they want to have s*x with;
they should restrain themselves and make love
to their wife “on purpose”.
10. The role of faith has an impact, but faith
alone does not lower the probability of a man
cheating.
Men need a greater reason than their
relationship with God to keep them from
cheating. Often Christian men minimize the
possibility of them ever cheating, even in the
face of so many Christian men that have
already fallen victim to infidelity. Men need to
make a decision to “die with integrity.”
Cheating is not about heaven or hell. It is
really only about your reputation on earth and
your legacy to your family. Men have to have
a natural reason not to cheat. “Dying with
integrity” is one of a man’s best reasons to be
faithful.
source: blackandmarriedwithkids.com [hupso]
