1. That whole baseball thing
is a terrible metaphor for
s*x.
s*x acts don’t exist on a
checklist. Foreplay isn’t some
discrete event that can be
rushed through before the
“main event.” s*x isn’t a
linear set of steps. It’s not
about keeping score or
rushing to home plate. s*x is
an amorphous
conglomeration of
hormones and touching and
adoration and lust and
pleasure and imperfection.
We’ve said it before, we’ll say
it (a million times) again: s*x
isn’t just intercourse, and
intercourse shouldn’t be
considered the culmination
of s*x. Oral s*x is s*x. So is
manual s*x. So is using a toy
together. So is frottage!
2. Real s*x is nothing like
most P0*n.
Watching P0*n is not
obligatory. P0*n is a fantasy,
and most of it caters to the
assumed and narrowly-
defined tastes of a limited
audience. In other words,
what might turn men on
visually in P0*n
(jackhammering, facials,
gang bangs) won’t
necessarily feel good, either
physically or emotionally, to
your partner in real life. You
should know that most
women don’t look anything
like P0*n stars — ditto for
the guys… especially their
equipment. Don’t try to
measure your partners, or
yourself, against what you
see on screen. Women in
P0*n (and men too!) get
implants and cosmetic
surgery (on their junk) and
spray tans and full body
makeup and an*l bleaching
and laser hair removal to
look that way. In real life,
labia come in all shapes and
sizes (sometimes even
different shapes and sizes
on the same woman), in
different shades, with
different hairstyles. And the
men in P0*n represent a
small percentage of the
population — they’re
outliers in the size
department, which is why
they got the job in the first
place! And those orgasms?
More fake than not — even
the guys, sometimes (Pina
Colada mix, we’ve heard).
Basically, P0*n is a terrible
place to learn about how to
have great, satisfying s*x,
and what that kind of s*x
looks like. It’s an especially
terrible place to learn about
what women like in bed. A
much better place to learn
about s*x — and we can’t
believe we’re saying this —
is one of our books! Fine,
fine, if you just can’t go there
(we get it), then we’ll find
you another.
3. Oral should be reciprocal.
Other oral s*x
commandments, if you’re on
the receiving end: Never
push anyone’s head
downtown. Never use their
ears as a steering wheel.
“Deep Throat” was the
nickname of the Watergate
informant — and that’s it!
Basically, the standard rules
for being a good person in
general don’t end with oral:
be respectful, communicate
and don’t have double
standards.
4. If you have to get drunk to
have s*x, then you’re not
ready to have s*x.
Same goes for your partner
— if they have to get drunk
to have s*x, then they’re not
ready to have s*x.
5. If you’re not comfortable
enough with someone to
talk about safer s*x, then
you’re not ready to have s*x
with them.
Talk about your partner’s
s*xual history — and yours.
Ask them if they always use
barrier protection (condoms,
oral s*x dams)
6. It’s not a sign of weakness
to ask for directions in bed.
And it’s not “bossy” if a
woman (or a man) gives you
directions in bed. After your
first few times, you might
think you know how to
please anyone in bed, but
you won’t (even after years
of s*x, you won’t). Every
partner will be different, and
even the same partner will
be different on different
days. This is especially true
of women, whose orgasms
tend to be a little more
elusive than men’s. But
whoever you end up dating,
guy or girl, you should be
open and receptive.
7. Be yourself and don’t
worry too much about
labels.
8. Nobody ever “owes”
anyone else s*x.
It doesn’t matter how long
you’ve been dating, or how
long you’ve been unclad
together or how blue your
balls are. It doesn’t matter if
you two have had s*x
before, or if you partner has
slept with 10 people before
you. It doesn’t matter if one
of you just treated the other
to dinner (or to oral s*x). It
doesn’t even matter if you’re
half-way through some
s*xual act, including
intercourse, and suddenly
one of you changes your
mind. s*x can stop at any
time. It doesn’t even have to
start.
9. s*x is worth waiting for,
real men wait! They do not
10. s*x is awesome!
When you do it with the
right person, at the right
time, s*x can be amazing. It
can feel, like, really good. It
can be fun and exciting, it
can bring you closer to your
partner, it can reduce stress,
it can make you love a
person more than you
thought possible (though to
be sure, love is not a
requirement for s*x —
mutual respect, however, is).
But s*x isn’t usually
awesome at first. Even when
you’re head over heels in
love and one hundred
percent ready to do the
deed, s*x exists on a
learning curve. That said, the
better you know someone
before you have s*x, the
more comfortable you will
probably be figuring out
what each other wants.
Good s*x requires practice.
It requires knowledge about
your body and your
partner’s body. It requires
experimentation and play.
And it requires a sense of
humor so you can both
laugh it off when someone
farts or queefs or gets an
elbow in the face.
Remember, there is no such
thing as “normal” in bed —
there is only what you like,
what your partner likes, and
what you’re both
comfortable with.
Have fun, be safe, and
remember: You can ask your
mom anything. We’re, well,
unshockable.
Source: huffpost.com
