Your wedding day is your day! That day you have been dreaming about. Finally, the Lord has answered your prayers and you are going to be married to your boo of life. You have planned everything from the day you were conceived: the type of suit or wedding gown you’ll wear, the cake, the venue, the music, the big VIPs you’ll invite to come and spray you dollars. week before the wedding you are praying: “Oh God, please don’t come and let one winch spoil my day o!” Well, you won’t need that prayer if you organise your guest list very well. Do not leave anything to chance. Here is a great list that will help you filter the unwanted elements whom the devil might possess to come and ruin your day.
1. Your ex
There is no “we are now friends” in this matter. Anything could happen. They could get drunk and start spilling the beans on how many abortions you shared or how (face palm) they still love you. You don’t need that drama. Nix that goodwill.
2. Your babymama/papa
Your babies can come but not their mama or papa. It’s not a two for one package. You don’t need shady talk disguised as “I’m just joking now” on how your boos wedding gown is too revealing or how your man could not even afford to hire a better bridal limousine. Nah! Say no to bad bele!
3. Your friend that hates your spouse
Seriously, all naysayers and bad vibes givers should just be barred at the gates of the wedding venue. The evil eye alone that your bad bele friend will be transmitting toward the high table might just kill you too. And you don’t need some idiot taking bets at your wedding on how long your marriage will last. .
4.Your ex-best friend that knows where all the bodies are buried (your past)
This is the friend that has known you since forever and the when it comes the time to make a toast they start with: “I remember when John and I used to go to Ynot every Friday and just hang out with prostitutes.”Alcohol can be a good thing for some but not for everybody. If you don’t want this person shaming you just better leave them off your guest list.
5. Your friend that has a crush on your boo
Allow her to spend that day in house jeje, crying over her loss. You don’t need somebody doing sexy dance with your husband on the dance floor all in the name of celebrating you. She or he might even poison you by mistake.
6. That osho-free friend that likes to chop but will not give you gifts
Mba! Notice should be placed around the venue even broadcasted on the news, barring this person from even the street of the venue. They will complain about the rice, they will complain about the salad all the while stuffing their handbags with all the food and drinks they can carry. Meanwhile, when you later confront them on how they didn’t even drop one gift despite being the one person that enjoyed the wedding the most -even more than you – they’ll ask you: “Ehen, people used to give gifts. I didn’t know o! I thought it was the other way around.”
7. Your racist or tribalistic relative
“Yoruba people are this, Yoruba people are that.” “See all the 419 omo nna spraying money.” Nah, you don’t need to be hearing that. You might also want to ban this people from home after you are married unless you want someone calling your kids “okoro” in the name of joke.
8. Your uncle’s father’s brother’s aunty that knew you before you were conceived
You know, that relatives you only see at burials in the village? The ones that keep reminding you of how their great grandfather is related to your great grandmother’s mother’s sister’s grandfather. The relationship is so far we are not even related. Sorry, no invite for you. No one needs your family history storytelling at my wedding.
9. Your boss that refused to give you two weeks off for honeymoon
“A wedding is just a day’s event,” he tells you. “You go in, you get out. You can even come back to work if it were during the week.” Slave-driver, please stay away.
10. Your bitterly divorced friend
Nah, you don’t need that long regretful face spoiling all your wedding pictures. Or someone reminiscing about how their wedding day was their happiest day until it wasn’t. Not today, Satan.
11. Your landlord (especially if you still owe rent)
Don’t even try yourself. Landlord, will just sit down and be taking stock of everything at the reception. “He can afford Dom Perignon on every table but he cannot afford rent.” “Ah-ah, buffet! okay now.” Be ready to get a rent increase in the next two months.
