THE ROBERT MUGABE ALLEGED 40 QUOTES -
Hahahaaa!
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1. Any man who successfully convinces a
monkey that honey is sweeter than banana,
is capable of selling condoms to a Roman
father.
2. Dear ladies, If your boyfriend didn't wish
you a happy mother's day or sing sweet
mother for you, you should stop
breastfeeding him.
3. He who swallows a complete coconut
have
absolute trust in his anus.
4. Dear sisters, don't be deceived by a man
who text you "I miss you" only when it's
raining, because you are not an umbrella.
5. Swimming pool is more useful than
Liverpool.
6. If over 15 guys have sucked your breasts,
you don't need to call those things "your
breasts", It's called COW BELL, OUR MILK! -
Repeat after me, OUR MILK!
7. It's hard to bewitch African girls these
days. Every time you take a piece from her
hair to the witch doctor, either a Brazilian
innocent woman gets mad or a factory in
China catches fire.
8. All I hear always is, 'No sex before
marriage?' If that was God's plan, then you
would receive your penis or vagina on your
wedding day.
9. The only warning Africans take serious is
LOW BATTERY.
10. Men sucking lady's breast is normal
because the act was learnt in childhood
when they were young but the act of lady's
sucking men's d*ck is what baffles me,
where did they learn it from?
11. Whenever things seem to start going
well in your life, the Devil comes along and
gives you a 'girlfriend'.
12. When your clothes are made of cassava
leaves, you don't take a goat as a friend.
13. If you have attended over 100 weddings
in your life and still single, you are not
different from a Canopy.
14. Dating a slim/slender guy is cool. The
problem is when you are lying on his chest
then his ribs draw adidas lines on your face.
15. If you are ugly, you are ugly. Stop talking
about inner beauty because men don't walk
around with X-rays to see inner beauty.
16. Respect pregnant women because it's
not easy walking around with evidence that
you've had sex.
17. Some of the girls of today can't even jog
for 5 minutes
but they expect a guy to last in bed with you
for
2 hours? Your level of selfishness demands a
one week crusade.
18. I stopped trusting ladies when my class
3 girlfriend left me for another boy all
because he bought a sharpener wid a
mirror.
19. Nothing makes a woman more confused
than being in a relationship with a "broke"
man who's extremely good in bed.
20. Witchcraft is when a 24 year old girl
who cannot jog for 5 minutes expects a 40
year old man to last for 1 hour in bed.
21. Being dumped by a dark-skinned girl is
the worst thing ever; because anytime you
get home and see charcoal, you become
emotional.
22. Women with beauty and no brains, it is
your private parts that will suffer the most.
23. When one's goat gets missing, the
aroma of a neighbour's soup gets
suspicious.
24. Its better for a man to be stingy with his
money because he hustled for it than a
woman to deny you a hole she didn't drill.
25. Even Satan wasn't gay, he approached
naked Eve instead of naked Adam. Say no to
same-sex marriage.
26. If you are a married man and you find
yourself attracted to school girls, just buy
your wife a school uniform.
27. It is every man's dream to remove a
woman's pant one day but NOT when it's on
a drying line.
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28. Virginity is the best wedding gift any
man would receive from his newly wed wife
but lately, there's nothing as such any-
longer because it'll have already been given
out as a Birthday gift, token of Appreciation,
Job assurance, Church collection,
Examination marking schemes & for Lorry
fares!"
29. Treat every part of your towel nicely
because the part that wipes your buttocks
today will wipe your face tomorrow.
30. We are living in a generation where
people “in love” are free to touch each
others’ private parts but cannot touch each
others’ phones because they’re private.”
31. Sometimes you look back at girls you
spent money on rather than send it to your
mum and you realise witchcraft is real.
32. If President Barack Obama wants me to
allow marriage for same-sex couples in my
country (Zimbabwe), he must come here so
that I marry him first.
33. South Africans will kick down a statue of
a dead white man but won’t even attempt to
slap a live one. Yet they can stone to death a
black man simply because he’s a foreigner.
34. What is the problem? We now have
aeroplanes which can take them back
quicker than the ships used by their
ancestors.
35. Mr Bush, Mr. Blair and now Mr Brown's
sense of human rights precludes our
people's right to their God-given resources,
which in their view must be controlled by
their kith and kin. I am termed dictator
because I have rejected this supremacist
view and frustrated the neo-colonialists.
36. Cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in a
piece of paper with fire on one end and a
fool on the other end.
37. A brave man is he who has a running
stomach and still wants to flatulate.
38. Journalist: Sir don't you think 89 years
would be a great time to retire as a
President.
Mugabe: Have you ever asked the Queen this
question or is it just for African leaders?
39. Interviewer: Mr President, when are you
bidding the people of Zimbabwe farewell?
Robert: Where are they going?
40. My dear ladies, please don't buy a selfie
stick when your armpit itself needs a
shaving stick.
