He patted his thigh, smiled and nodded his head slightlym, making eye contact with her. Simi knew it was an invitation for her to crawl into his lap. His friend Wale had just left, and they were all alone. Simi got up, trying to appear as calm as possible, walked over to Gbenro.
“Ah ah, upon all your shakara, he teased, leaning forward to kiss her neck.
She blushed. “What do you mean?”
“You have just been acting like I have Ebola, you know, keeping your distance and all” he replied. His hands had already found their way to her thigh.
“You know Wale was here now.” She protested, a bald faced lie she hoped he wouldn’t catch.
In all honestly Simi did not know where she stood with Gbenro. One minute he wanted her, the next she wasn’t sure. He claimed he liked her but did not want a relationship. She found that very hard to understand.
“If you truly like someone you will want to be with the person.”
She often said to him, trying to get him to see things the way she did but he always found a way to refute her, or weasel out of the question. She was tired, but not enough to leave. She always seemed to find her way back to him. She had fallen for him. Everyone could see it but her. Her friends were right, he had her Mumu button.
The truth was, Simi was a rookie. She had always been one of the tallest girls but seemed to hit puberty after her peers. She was teased about her flat chest in secondary school, and the breasts didn’t really come till her final year. It’s hard to forget years of bullying, so men scared her. Things were different now, the boys were all fall over themselves for her attention. But she still felt like that girl from secondary school. Except for when she was around Gbenro. She literally worshiped Gbenro. He acknowledged her worship, but didn’t give her what she needed.
At 19 she had never been in a real relationship. Her strict parents had told her, “treat your body like a temple and be careful around boys.” Growing up in Lagos she was sheltered by her parents who always seemed to use their concern for her safety as an excuse to keep her at home. Being the last of 3 kids and the only girl she was automatically a daddy’s girl. She made good grades to please him and did as she was told. She loved them, but she couldn’t wait to be finally free of their control.
This was how Gbenro was able to enthrall her, he looked at her like she was the most perfect thing in the world. She often wished she could see herself through his eyes, see herself anew, even the flaws she could not accept.
He was however, a walking contradiction, he seemed to adore her so much yet could not be with her. Sometimes she felt confident, secure and beautiful around him but when she saw him flirt with other girls all the insecurities came back and she felt this overwhelmingly sad and angry. He could make her feel visible or invisible with a single glance.
“Stop thinking, just enjoy the moment”, he whispered as he leaned in to kiss her.
He was always able to tell when she had something on her mind. They has this unusual chemistry, she had never felt anything like it before.
His mouth tasted of whiskey and tobacco. She pulled his head closer and kissed him deeply. He pulled back and looked into her eyes. His light brown eyes seemed to complement his honeyed skin.
“You are so beautiful,” he said, looking at her like she was the only thing that mattered to him. There it was again, that tingling feeling in her chest. Only he could make her feel this way. She was in control of every aspect of her life except him.
He took her hand in his and pulled her up. Her heart sunk. He was leading her out of his living room into his bedroom. They had always done other things but not sex. Gbenro always seemed to stop himself when he felt things were going too far. She was a virgin and he had promised not to take her virginity until he was sure he wanted to be serious with her.
Maybe he’s finally ready to take us seriously.
She had never seen him like this before. He was always so intense but tonight was on a whole new level. Alcohol on his breath, sweating through his pores, his body pressed against hers, hers against the wall. His lips everywhere, tuning her up like a fork.
She loved his intensity and rode it; she got high off his high.
He pulled her onto the bed, his cold hands slid up her short pleated leather skirt, grabbing her butt cheeks. He pulled her closer and she moaned. It felt so good.
A part of her wanted to pull away because she was still not sure if she was ready to have sex with him. She convinced herself she was ready after all they had been seeing each other for 10 months, even though it was on and off she chose to see it as a 10 month old relationship.
She felt slightly nervous because she had imagined this day several times.
What if it did not live up to her expectations? What is it was painful like her friends told her? What if he did not want to be with her after?
She tried to shake those thoughts off; she tried to enjoy the moment like he told her. Simi was tired of being the “last virgin standing”, she could not participate in the conversations everyone around her seemed to be having. Once again she felt left out and unseen just like in secondary school. It was time she finally saw what the whole fuss was about.
“Someone’s been hitting the gym.” She growled, stroking his arms. They were so toned, a lot bigger than the last time she saw them.
He chuckled as he took off her blouse to reveal her naked breasts. Just perfect he thought, no bra. He pulled her closer, tilted her head to the side and begun kissing her neck, slowly working his way down to her chest. She moaned and at this point she thought to ask for a condom but hesitated.
They once had a conversation where he complained about sex not feeling good with a condom. He said he could not feel “everything”. She never quite understood how that worked but she decided not to say anything. She wanted it to be perfect for him.
At this point they were both naked. She got on her back and he got on top of her.
“Relax.”
She hadn’t realised how tense she was. She took a deep breath, exhaled. He nudged her legs apart, wiggled between them. A sharp jolt of pain and he was inside her. She bit the inside of her lip to keep from screaming. It hurt, more than she’d expected. Her thighs clenched involuntarily, he wiggled some more to make room for himself.
“Gbenro?”, she cried.
He looked at her, really looked at her. “Am I hurting you?”
She nodded, like a little shy girl.
He leaned over, opened the drawer next to the bed and pulled out a bottle of baby oil. He poured the baby oil carelessly over their genitals.The baby oil helped but only a little bit. He didn’t seem to notice. He got faster, rougher. He pulled her legs apart, held them with his strong arms. It felt like her femurs would pop out of their pockets. He was in bliss.
Let this be over please.
She thought this, over and over again. Finally he slumped and rolled over. His eyelids fluttered on the verge of closing, before reluctantly opening.
“Are you okay he asked, breathing heavily.
“Yes.” she lied.
She could not believe that this was it. Well they always say your first time is your worst, she sincerely hoped that way the case. Gbenro turned his back to her and began to fall asleep.
Won’t he cuddle? She thought. Simi was quite surprised; she felt they were supposed to cuddle after sex. Well at least that was how she imagined it to be. She moved closer, putting her right arm and leg over him in an attempt to spoon him. She knew he liked this position.
“I just want to sleep,” he said as he gently tried to shake her off him.
She knew he was never going to choose her. He was way too greedy. He wanted all the girls he could have. She suddenly no longer felt special; maybe she was just another one of the many girls on hit to do list.
She got out of bed, got dressed and left. She could not sleep and felt like there was no use being there, next to him. His snoring was starting to irritate her. Simi walked home feeling sore, She was sure she was bleeding. Her tummy started to turn and she knew it was cause she felt guilty, she had promised God and her mum to wait until marriage. Somewhere deep down she knew nothing had changed for Gbenro, he was still going to do her as he pleased not considering her feelings.
Maybe I should have waited, it was too late for regret now, she thought.
