Trouble started when the nurse announced it was a baby girl. I felt tears roll down my cheeks. No, they were not tears of joy. I felt my heart tighten out of fear as I heard my conscience call me out for bringing a female that would likely have the same experience I’ve had.
Everything changed in my marriage when I brought Eva home. I had delayed that day for two weeks with the pretense of not feeling strong enough to leave the hospital. I made sure not to leave Eva alone with James my husband. For three months, never did he raise his eyebrows to the fact that I managed to keep baby Rose away from him. It was not really difficult as his job helped out a lot.
I was eight years old when my father raped me. It happened for two years and I had no one to tell about it as I was the only child. My mother had left my father for a wealthy man and I was stuck with the animal for two years. He had threatened to kill me if I said anything to anyone; besides no one would believe me, so he said.
You know what they say about everyday being a step closer to one’s grave? I had hastened my father’s steps to his. Yes, I killed him. I had to add a little sniper in his dinner and watched him wriggle in pains after his dinner. Mummy had taken me into her husband’s house where another phase of my miserable experience began. I was sexually abused by my step-father, and just like the case of my father, I was threatened and made to keep quiet.
I readily accepted the first proposal I got so I could escape my step father. I had this fear of bringing a female child into the world. I was totally scared of subjecting her to the miserable experience I had in my own time.
I was tired of everything, tired of having to be alert each time my husband carried baby Eva. I was tired of making sure he doesn’t even get two minutes alone with her.
“I want a divorce James,” I had told him.
“I don’t understand babe, a divorce? For what? Why? What did I do?” he asked all at once.
I wiped the tears which had found its way down my cheeks and looked into his eyes.
“It is not you, James, it is me. I cannot stay with you anymore. Not when Eva is here, I have to protect her.”
