Forsaken episode 1

FORSAKEN
CHAPTER 1

What really is fate and destiny? Some people say our destiny lies in our hands, others say we have no control over it, as it has been pre-arranged by our creator. I wondered which of these cases was mine. I looked out of the window and saw grandfather walked out angrily. This is not really new, grandpa always had reasons to get angrily, especially when the issue had to do with me. I had lived with him most of my life, he was practically the only man I knew, but I have no good memory of him. He never smiled at me, neither did I experience the great feeling of being with one’s grandfather as my friends always talked about.

When I was much younger, I had always wondered what his grouse with me was, but as I grew, it became clearer to me from my darkened thought. My grandfather saw me as a constant reminder of the failure of his prodigal daughter. But there was little or nothing I could do. How do I beg for forgiveness over a crime committed even before I was born.

My grandpa repeatedly reminded me about the details of my mom’s dirty escapades that I could hear his voice echoing even when he wasn’t talking. “your mother was a useless, good for nothing daughter”, she has brought nothing but shame and reproach, and to make matters worse, she left you as a permanent reminder of my misfortune to have her as a child”. Those were the exact words of grandpa.

My mom’s story is not one I am so proud of, she was morally bankrupt, lacked direction and was a carefree person. She had no love for education, that explain why she dropped out at junior high school. Her records of men is an unending list, that is the reason I don’t know my father. Even though I was not loved by my grandfather, I still bore his names, I had no choice anyways. Talking about my mother, I know little or nothing about her. She left me with my grandparents when I was only five and she never came back for me.

My grandmother was not so different from every other grandmother. She was nice to a very large extent, except for the few times she would cast her mind down memory lane, and when she would see any of my mother’s friends who had become responsible, successful and useful wives and mothers, but in all, Grandma never forgot the fact that I am never to blame for what happened.

Growing up as a bastard child is a very painful experience, that I do not wish anyone, not even my enemies to encounter such. Just like every other child, I would have loved to know my dad and also my paternal grandparent, uncles and aunties, but that was not possible as my dad never accepted me. My mom was involved with several men, so when she got pregnant it was difficult to tell whose child I am, all the men rejected and denied her. Upon my birth, I looked so much like one of them. The resemblance was unquestionable. At age five, my mother and grandparents took me to my supposed father. Everyone around saw the resemblance and said “this must be your daughter jude, she looks so much like you”, but he refused and denied I and my mother publicly. My mom left me that day with my grandparent without even saying goodbye. My grandmother would always cry whenever she told me this, because the story brought bad and forgotten pains of humiliation.

My granny is my best friend, my confidant and my demi god. She loves me and never treats me with hatred for the pains of my mom’s mistake. She tried so many times to make grandpa change his perception of me, but all to no avail. I have accepted my fate and live with the stain of my mom’s evil path. But if I had my way, then, I would have made people see that I am me, and not my mother. Yes! I am me though I am also my mother’s daughter. The only crime I ever committed was to have been born by a woman of dirty character and reputation.