Oh my husband episode 21&22

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OH THIS MY HUSBAND

Part 21
SHOULD I ATTACK

This time, I won't rush inside, I can't come and fall inside the drainage the second time. My village people can't succeed.
Neither am I going to rush to him and the girls, two are stronger than one. I must get it right today.
I decided to concentrate on my footsteps and the door. I know myself, if I keep staring at them, that monster husband will draw me like magnet, I might end up breaking that bottle on his stubborn head.

As I walked past them, I heard them laughing.... trouble is sleeping, foolishness wants to wake it.
I won't respond, with trembling hands, I open the door and my trembling feet dragged me inside. I dropped my bag and notepad on the floor not too far from the main entrance, I stood there confused as to what to do exactly but later went straight to my room. The guest room.
This is the time to strategize, I didn't fall into the drainage, I didn't stumble or fall. Now I can plan my next move to teach these people that my house is my territory.
I can go into the kitchen and boil hot water, that will not take long. I'll just go upstairs and through the window pour it over them. I can already see their scrabbling for safety like rabbits. Quickly I went to the kitchen to boil water.
While I waited for the water to boil, it occurred to me that if the water falls on sensitive parts, or if they run to the main road and die, I will end up in prison. Why should I go to prison over another person's wickedness?
Now I need a different plan, eerrmmm, what can I do now, I need to make it so savage that everyone who hears it would know that you don't mess with a woman like me.
Yeah, I can pour yam flour on them. That would make a statement. It won't kill them, but everywhere they go, they will carry the stain. So, I brought out the yam flour. And ensured it was in a bucket that would make it easy to offload the contents on their head.
I must get this right. I can't make another mistake or blunder. I can't mistakenly pour it on myself or be too slow and I need evidence.
I decided to go to my room, get the phone and record the flour pouring session. I'll upload it to the internet and ensure bloggers pick it up. This is a show down today.
Joy had been toyed with and made a laughing stock. Today the table turns and I take charge. Today I won't be irrational. I will be meticulous.
On my way to my room, I saw my bag and notepad on the floor, as I picked it, I saw what I jotted down.
MY NEW RESOLUTION
• Be blind
• Be dumb
• Be abnormally normal
• Pour so much love
Does the yam flour pouring expedition fall into any of these four points? No! no!! no!!! I can't allow these points to stop me today.

I threw the notepad away. I ran into my room, banging the bed. No! no!! no!!!. I need to do something.
Aaarghhhh!!! Why must things be so complicated?
These girls and this man can't go Scott free. They can't escape. I need to prove to them that I am the queen of this territory.
Hmmmm, I am the queen, queens are dignified people. Queen don't fight.
All the group members in the marital discipleship can't hear that I fought. Baba Jay will be disappointed too.
OH Jesus, please help me. What should I do?
Just then the perfect plan dropped into my heart, wow, this is ingenious.
This will make a statement at the same time deal seriously with these girls. This will break his ego and it's an abnormal reaction.
Oya leggo....


OH THIS MY HUSBAND

Part 22
SAVAGE ATTACK

Once again, I picked up my notepad with shaky hands. I studied what we were taught that day. This is going to be the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life.
I ran out of my room to peep through the window, I can see that my husband and the two ladies were still laughing and drinking.
I ran to the kitchen; the water is now boiling. Oops, I ran back into the room to change from my work dress to my simple gown.

I ran back to the kitchen, brought out all the arsenals I needed for this century attack, placed them on the kitchen table, took the turning stick, poured the yam flour into the hot boiling water and prepared a sumptuous amala meal.
I dashed to the fridge, brought out the very delicious vegetable stew I prepared last week before my husband's trouble landed me in the hospital. I microwaved it and served it into one of the designers’ plates in the kitchen used for special occasions.

I placed this sumptuous meal into a tray with a very cold juice beside it.
Oh, I forgot I have cow tongue inside the freezer. Already cooked. I rushed to pick it and also microwaved it. Now my assault is almost done.
I was sweating seriously but it's getting dark. I needed to move fast. I ran into my room almost tripping on the chairs in the living room.
I rushed into bathroom, used towel to clean my face. Applied enough perfume and where did I put that my lacy red gown?
Yes, I found it in the second wardrobe. I put it on with my red flat shoes. Applied more perfume. I almost choke from the scent of my perfume.
I ran back into the kitchen, picked up my meal and walk to the door. At the door, my heart was beating. Anyone close to me can hear my heart pumping.
Oooh, I need these hands to stop shaking, aaah, my legs have joined in the shaking. I can't go back. I must finish this one.
I opened the door and with a smile on my face (a very fake smile), I walked steadily but with grace towards my husband and his guests.
As soon as they spotted me, all discussions stopped. Yeah, Yeah, a queen is coming I thought in my heart.
I wish I can describe the look on their faces. My husband was looking as if he saw his late grannies ghost dancing right in front of him.

The first lady closest to me stood up. The speed at which she stood up, you would think an army had pointed gun at her.
The second lady had really big eyes and they were open 100%, I was afraid her eyes will pump out of the sockets.
Taking in all I see before me, I walked gracefully to them.
I said to the girls "hello pretty ladies".
No reply, lols
I placed the meal before my husband, I said to him,
"Hi honey, you can't drink beer on an empty stomach"
No reply, just stares.

I turned back, and wanted to walk back inside but changed my mind and just walk into the street and off from the house.
When I knew they couldn't see me again, I rested on a stationed car and caught my breath.
I was sweating, my heart was trying to jump out of my mouth. The hands and legs were vibrating.
I screamed. Oh yeah.....
Everyone around gave me a funny look, I smiled at them. Turned back and went back home.
There was no sign of my husband, the girls, the table, the chairs, my food, or his car.
They've all disappeared within five minutes. Wow!!!
No man or girlfriend can mess with a tactically crazy wife.

I entered the house and went straight to bed. Victory is so sweet. I don't feel like eating.
As I was about to lie down, I noticed my phone was ringing. I checked the phone.
I started laughing, oh how good when your number one enemy is calling you.
The call was from my husband.....