[b]Written by
Anthony Fieldman
FOUR O’CLOCK! He said I could leave at four o’clock today. WANKER!
Being my last day an all, I was promised on Monday that I could leave an hour early today, as a good will gesture, you know, thanks for all the hard work and all that; ten fucking years of hard work – and I get an hour.
Well, it’s now just gone half three, and that jumped up, four eyed little Hitler wants me to attend a productivity meeting. I should have just told him where to go:well Mr Jenson sir, I’m afraid it’s like this. After almost ten years of suffering under your stewardship, I’ve grown sick of your chirpy little munchkin face, which by the way resembles Penfold from Danger Mouse! So, Mr Penfold sir, you can stick your productivity meeting right up...
Who am I kidding? The amount of timesI’ve told myself I’m gonna give him what for, then always ended up bending to his will; either his, or one of his little band of merry men. They’ve always quite reminded me of those little Umpa Lumpa’s from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Busily buzzing about all day, tongues firmly up Penfold’s arse:yes David, Monica, of course I can have the report on Mr Jenson’s desk by the end of the day. And by the way, I assume you’re aware that your breath stinks of shit? Now, this could be due to the day to day excrement that comes oozing from your mouths; or, maybe you’ve just been sniffing around the boss’s bottom again?
Ha..oh well, better make a move then. Let’s just get this over and done with, bite your lip, get through it, and then let’s get out of here. Huh, that’s easier said than done when a productivity meeting stands in the way of me and my freedom. Pah, productivity meeting, just an excuse for Penfold and his little band of Umpa Lumpa’s to sit around the huge desk in the meeting room feeling all important.
I’ve no doubt what so ever that the whole thing will be full of excruciating idiot talk. Management buzz words like: functionality, modularize, instantiate, and the best one I’ve ever heard – disambiguate.
I mean – what the fuck?
It’s like once upon a time there was a gathering of idiots - an obtuse orgy of minds - who took upon themselves the momentous task of making the stupid seem, well..er... less stupid!
And management buzz words were born – god damn it! If you ask me they're all just a smaller part of the universal language more commonly known as bull shit!
Oh well, here we are then. Let’s just get it over wi... hang on – what the hell’s going on? It’s pitch black in here, and where the hell is everybody? Oh fuck it, of all the days – where’s that light swi...
“SURPRISE!”
Oh my god! A party – for me – the bastards. I’m feeling quite emotional. Whatever happens don’t cry ya soft twat – shit, too late.Is that a tear running down my cheek? My god, stop grinning like a simpleton, they’ll have you sectioned. Look a big banner with my name on – AND CAKE! God damn it calm down man, play it niiice and cool, nice and cool fella; like you actually might have had the slightest idea they’d planned this.
Take it calm and respectfully, and all in your stride.
Well, looking back on the day, I must say that I really enjoyed my surprise leaving do. I feel like I left D M Marketing on really good terms. And I have to say, there’s a good few people there I’ll really miss. I had a great team around me, not to mention David and Monica.
But most of all – Mr Jenson.
Why that chirpy cheeked chubby little cherub; apparently the whole surprise party thing was his idea – what a great boss.
I’m sure that with Penfold working under the D M banner, the company will always be in good hands.
A match made in heaven – you could say.
Written by
Anthony Fieldman
