WIFE: (Looks distraught). For three days my
husband has been coming home late, looking
happy. Father please help me, I don’t want to
lose my husband.
REV.FR: I don’t understand. (Confused frown)
WIFE: I was angry with him, so I decided not to
make his meals. My friend said it would keep
him in line, but he returns home not grumpy or
wary, but happy, he even sings. Father, he
sings! In three years of marriage, I haven’t
heard him sing this much. (Close to tears)
REV.FR: (Stunned) Why don’t you feed your
husband?
WIFE: (tightens her jaw) We had a fall out.
REV.FR : (shocked) And starvation was the
solution?
WIFE: (sniffs guiltily) It was a serious issue,
Father. His colleague at the bank celebrated his
wife’s birthday with a kiss in front of family and
friends and handed her keys to a brand new
Kia Cerato.
REV.FR: (nods, and scratches his beard with a
frown) Okay…I’m sorry, how does it connote?
WIFE: (sits up and blurts) Father! Don’t you get
it? He’s been at that bank for five years, while
his colleague has only been for two years. I
wonder how he managed to get a Cerato for
his wife!
REV.FR: (frowns in contemplation) But you
drive a Morano.
WIFE: (huffs derisively) That isn’t the point.
REV.FR: (flummoxed frown) Really, I don’t get
it then. Has your husband not celebrated your
birthday before?
WIFE: (frowns at Rev.Fr) Of course he has.
REV.FR: Has he never hugged or kissed you
before…in front of people?
WIFE: Father…
REV.FR: Has he never bought a car for you?
WIFE: He has. (looks ashamed)
REV.FR: (spreads out his hands) So where is
the issue you’re miffed about; Miffed enough to
starve your beloved husband?
WIFE: (realization) What have I done?
REV.FR: (looks smug) To quote psalm 35, you
have fallen into the pit you dug. (shakes his
head in pity) Anyway, when he comes back
home singing tonight, I want you to join him in
singing.
WIFE: (cries desperately) He will just stop
singing, Father, you don’t know that man, he’s
very wicked.
REV.FR: (sighs wearily) When he stops, you
stop. And for Christ’s sake, stop the imagined
flaws in your husband’s character! (he
snapped).
WIFE: (unconvinced) How is this better than
prayers? Father just pray for me, pour some
blessed water on me and everything will be
fine.
REV.FR: (wearily covers his face and mumbles)
I see you know my job already. The idea is to
get his attention, and then you are to apologize
to him.
(Lifts up his head and looks sage) See, men
are like leaves, when detached from their tree;
they float in the wind and then settle where
ever it’s most comfortable. That is, by any
woman with the remotest concern for his
welfare, to pamper and FEED him.
Don’t give that man a reason to compare his
wife with a certain faceless woman out there.
He loves you in his own way. If love had only
one format for all couples, then the world
would be such a boring place. And sure
enough, women would still complain. Go and
make your home peaceful; enjoy your
husband’s brand of love and stop looking over
the damn fence! (he huffed and walked out
hugging the bottle of wine, WIFE had brought
as a gift).
__________________________________________
The End!
