*lmao* I just pray we
don't hear Etcetera got
beaten up before this
year runs out. Just read
what he wrote as New
Year resolutions for
Nigerian celebs.
Every January,
resolutions are made
with conviction, only to
be dropped like a hot
akara sometime before
February as
unattainable, or just
plain boring. All through
last year, we watched
our celebrities and
critiqued their
behaviour. Maybe we
shouldn’t have. Maybe
we should let them
make their own
mistakes.
Or maybe we should
assess celebrity
behaviour in 2014 and
determine which
celebrities could use
some suggestions for
their New Year’s
Resolutions to make
2015 a great year. And
that’s just what we’ve
done. So Don Jazzy,
Cossy, Omosexy and
others, listen up.
Afro Candy: We
already know what you
look like with a pubic
haircut. Now can you
please get into
character as a
Indecency-star. We’ve
had enough of the
teasers. It is becoming
boring already. We
want the real deal in
2015. Give us a hit
movie that will make
headlines and put you
on magazine covers.
Bare your fangs, shake
that floppy Bottom and
make the teenage
boys happy.
Cossy: Our advice is
twofold: first of all, it’s
clearly time to invest in
some bra. This should
be the year to get
those bosoms cupped
and wrapped up.
Secondly, change your
hustle. Your personality
could be revealing in a
talk show: put your
mind to it, I am sure
great offers will come
in.
Baba Suwe: Egbon,
we love you and we
will always love to see
you in as many movies
as possible. But are we
ever going to see you
act without the black
paint on your face?
Mr. Ibu: A lot of people
make resolutions to
lose weight, get strong
and buff, quit smoking
or drinking in order to
become healthier. Is
this the year that Mr.
Ibu finally hits the gym
for a six-pack form?
Pete Edochie: Since
the death of Amaleze
“The Cat,” one
question that has been
asked over and over
again is when our
beloved Pete Edochie is
going to shave his
beards. Just in case the
chief decides to visit a
salon this year, please
someone should quickly
remove the kolanuts
and palmwine keg from
the table. Yes, you may
have to hide those
wrappers and hats if
we are ever going to
see the chief in suit
anytime before
rapture. We’ll also love
to see him play other
roles than His Royal
Highness, Chief
Ohazurumba 1 of Ohaji
Egbema Kingdom that
he has been playing
since the days of
“Things Fall Apart.” Sir,
we know you can do it.
Don Jazzy: The
experimental singing
was good for last year
but 2015 should be the
year of the vocalist.
And bros, you have
hidden under the shade
for too long. The hot
babes are crying and
the queue is getting
too long. Will 2015
finally reveal “Mrs. Don
Jazzy?”
Tuface: Your album
last year was good but
it also revealed the
fact that you have lost
your vocal strength. It
won’t be a bad idea to
engage the services of
a voice coach in 2015.
Dbanj: Last year
wasn’t a good year for
you musically. The
songs didn’t come out
well, especially the
collaborations. I’ll
suggest you take a
total break from music
in 2015 and get re-
inspired.
Omawunmi: You have
found the right spot
between Highlife, Pop
and RnB. You pitched
your tent perfectly well
in our hearts in 2014.
Whatever inspired
those beautiful songs
is worth holding on to.
Waje: Awww we love
you. Your voice is like
the sound of the
morning spring. But
ermmm please leave
the skimpy dresses to
the peperempes.
Jim Iyke: No matter
what people say about
him, naija movie scene
has been boring
without him and the
drama that comes
with him. Jim, we will
be happy to see you
back in the spotlight
this year, making
movies and reminding
us that you’re a fine
actor. It would be nice
to see you star in your
own movie, maybe
with Nadia.
Miss Sindodo: After a
long spell away, you
bounced back in 2014
and we are glad about
your “amazing”
recovery. But your black
knuckles and over-
bleached skin call for
immediate attention
this 2015. One movie
we will love to see
made in Nollywood this
year is “How Stella
Snatched My Husband”
starring Doris and
produced by Daniel.
Halima Abubakar:
Acting shouldn’t be a
do or die affair. Try
other professions or
better still, take a
professional course in
acting.
Omosexy: Everyone
says you are arrogant.
This should be the year
to make a better
impression.
Stephanie Okereke:
When are we going to
finally start seeing your
movies for real and not
just seeing them
“Through The Glass?”
Olisa: You have held
the crown as the
oldest bachelor for too
long. It is time to hand
over.
Tonto: What do you
really do? It is
becoming more difficult
to tell these days. It’s
a tough industry, we
know. But we’re
begging you: please
stop jumping from one
thing to another.
Getting into character
as a role model does
require a bit of focus.
Happy new year
everyone!
