[b]NIGERIAN JEWS
Two Jewish men, @eliboy and @frankkay were
sitting in a restaurant in Lagos. @eliboy
asked @frankkay , '‘Are there any Jewish people of
our faith born and raised in Nigeria?"
@frankkay replied, "I don’t know, let’s just ask the waiter @mubarak
When @mubarak came by, @eliboy asked him,
"Are there any Nigerian Jews?"
@mubarak said, "I don't know, let me ask the
cook, "He returned from the kitchen in a few
minutes and said, "No sir, no Nigerian Jews."
@eliboy wasn’t really satisfied with that and
asked, "Are you absolutely sure?"
The waiter, realising he was dealing with
foreigners, gave the expected answer, "Let me
check again," and went back into the kitchen.
While the waiter @mubarak was away in the kitchen,
@frankkay said, "I find it hard to believe that
there are no Jews in Nigeria. Our people are
scattered everywhere."
The waiter @mubarak returned and said, "The cook says there is no Nigerian Jews."
"Are you certain?" @eliboy asked once again, "I
just can’t believe there are no Nigerian Jews!"
"Listen, I asked EVERYONE," replied the
frustrated waiter @mubarak , "All we have is Mango Jews, Pineapple Jews, Orange Jews, Coconut Jews and Tomato Jews!
There is No Nigerian Jews!"
[hr]
HOW 2 CROSS ROAD IN NAIJA.
Look right and left for cars and bikes, look up for aeroplane,
down for bomb, back for kidnappers, look side,
hold your bag tight and watch the person
beside you. Then walk zig zag to avoid stray
bullet.
[hr]
The Trial Of An Igbo, Yoruba And
Hausa Man
An Igbo man, a Yoruba man and an Hausa
man
were lost in a forest and then captured by
cannibals. The king of the cannibals told the
prisoners that they could live if they pass a
trial. The first step was to go deep into the
forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of
fruits. The three men went their separate ways
to gather fruits.
The Yoruba man came back and said to the
king,”I brought 10 apples.”
Then the king explained the trial to him,”You
have to swallow the fruits without any
expression on your face or you will be killed.
The first apple went in, but on the second one,
he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The Igbo man arrived and showed the king ten
berries. When the king explained the trial to
him, he thought to himself that this should be
easy…. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8and on the ninth berry,
he
burst out in laughter and was killed.
The Yoruba man and Igbo man met in heaven
and the Yoruba man asked,”Why did you
laugh?
You almost got away with the trial.”
The Igbo man replied,”I couldn’t help it, when I
saw the Hausa man coming with
Watermelons!”
[hr]
A Preacher said: "If I had all the beer in the
world, I'd take it and throw it into the river".
And the congregation cried,"Amen!" "And if I
had all thewine in the world, I'd take it and
throw it in the river". And the congregation
cried,"Amen!" "And if I had all thewhiskey and
rum in the world, I'd take it all and throw it
in the river". Againthe congregation
cried,"Amen!"
The preacher sat down. The deacon then stood
up& said: "For our closing hymn, let's turn to
page 126 of our hymn books and sing, 'We
shall drink from that river".
THE CONGREGATION SCREAMED HALLELUJAH!!
[hr]
AKPOS: I Have Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus,
Yahoo, Tumblr, Msn, Skype and G-Talk.
FRIEND: Dude, do you have a life?
AKPOS: OMG! No! Send me the link
[hr]
A mum was lucky enough to see her three
daughters wed in the same year, so she
whispered to each of them "After your
weddings,text me your first night experience
and don't forget to text it in a coded way!"
After a week, the first daughter sent 'NESCAFE'
sms 2 her mum while a week later, the
second sent 'BENSON'. Their mum, as a 'soji
woman' picked up a tin of Nescafe and read
from d label "fantastic till dlast drop!" She also
went to her husband's pack of Benson cigarettes and found written on it "Extra long, king size!"
she thought aloud "not too badfor them at
their age"
A few days later, her third daughter's text
comes in,"Arik: Lagos - Kano!". So Mama calls
Arik Air information desk to inquire about their
Kano to Lagos flight. She was told, "Its 3 times
daily, 7 days a week and the flight duration
is 75 minutes to and fro!"
Mama throws herself in theair, lands, slumps
and faints shouting..."Yeeeeee! Eleyi ma pa mi
lomo O! ( this one will kill my daughter!)"
[hr]
A drunk 18 year old boy asked a
married
woman out, the woman got
pissed &
told her husband..
The husband told her to invite the boy so
dat he can beat the hell out of
him.
The woman did what her
husband
requested as he was hidding under the bed...
When the boy got there, he
took off his t-
shirt and his body was full of
scars..this
made the woman to asked,"why have U so
many scars?"
The boy replied,"I my job is to
lay married
women & usually I get caught
so I kill the husbands, if someone shows up
now he
will be number 20 on my
murder list...The
boy continued, as
the woman tried to reach out her
husband under the bed, a small
voice
came up,"If U tell him am here,
U will see...!!![/b]
