How to Have a Healthy Relationship
Sometimes relationships can seem like a lot of
work until you sit back and realize just how much
you've been given. A thriving, healthy relationship
requires some give and take, and is absolutely
within your reach if you and your partner are
willing to do a bit of work. If you and your partner
are right for each other, all the work will definitely
be worth it in the long run.
Part One of Two:
Things You Must Do Independently
1
Take responsibility for your own happiness.
Save yourself several hours of arguing by
remembering this one rule: it's not up to
anyone else to make you happy. In a
relationship your partner will try to please you
and make you happy but in the end you are
responsible for your happiness.
2
Make good on your words.
Follow through on
your promises. When you say you're going to
do something, do it. Don't say that you'll cook
dinner, or get a birthday present, and then
blow it off or simply forget about it. What this
does is systematically destroy trust. And
relationships need trust in order to thrive.
3
Admit your mistakes.
If you know you've done
something to hurt your partner, intentionally or
not, own up to it. Humble yourself and
apologize sincerely, without making excuses or
justifications like "I'm sorry you made me
angry." you have to be responsible for your
actions and cannot make anyone else feel
guilty for what you have done or didn't do.
Commit to changing your behavior. If you
notice yourself apologizing for the same
mistake over and over, step it up a level.
Tell your partner that you recognized this
mistake keeps happening, and you want to
train yourself to stop. Request help and
ask for him or her to gently point it out to
you when you're making this mistake
again.
4
Be honest. Honesty is what holds a
relationship together.
Be honest about what
you like about your relationship, what you hate
and what annoys you.
5
Forgive.
This is very important as it helps to
build trust between you. Also if you show
forgiveness they are more likely to forgive you.
So it is a win win situation.
6
Be realistic.
Every relationship has
disagreements and days when staying isn't the
easiest choice. But what makes a relationship
healthy is choosing to resolve those problems
and push through the hard days, instead of
just letting issues and resentment fester.
working through your problems will help you
be a much positive person.
Review your expectations. Do you see your
partner as a person, with both winning
qualities and flaws, or as someone you
expect to be perfect? If your expectations
are so astronomical that no one could live
up to them 100% of the time, you're
setting up your relationship for failure.
Learn to embrace their differences. You
can learn a lot from them.
Accept that conflict happens. If you expect
to be in a long-term relationship, you're
bound to have the occasional
disagreement. Remember that one
argument isn't the end of everything, and
there's no person on earth that you'd
agree with all the time.
Always ask yourself whether you're better
off in the relationship than out of it. If you
don't think you're better off in the
relationship, then you probably should have
a serious discussion with your partner. In a
loving relationship, this question almost
always gets a simple "Yes."
7
Listen to your partner.
Sometimes, all your
partner wants is for you to lend an ear and be
sympathetic about one of their problems. Other
times, your partner wants you to actively give
them advice. Know which one your partner is
looking for, and try to give them what they
want. Being a good listener is all about paying
attention to what they're saying and not
blowing it off.
Listening to your partner will enhance your
relationship in many ways. It will help you
resolve differences without arguing; let you
explore each other's personality more
deeply; and even help you pick out an
awesome Christmas present. There are no
downsides to listening.
8
Show your affection in whatever way you can.
There's a difference between knowing that
you're loved and feeling that you're loved.
Sometimes, we bank on the fact that our
partners should know that we love them even
when we don't show it. Don't rely on this too
much. The best relationships use affection to
show love.
Do something for your partner that you
know s/he will truly appreciate. Whether it
means getting up early to mow the lawn,
taking the kids to karate, or baking that
nutella shortcake , it's often the little favors
that say the most.
Don't be afraid to show physical affection
every once in a while. Loving relationships
feed off of the little kisses, hugs, and
back-rubs that are mainstays of affection.
Do the unexpected. It's one thing to kiss
your partner after you come home from
work; it's another thing to kiss your wife
while you're skydiving, falling 10,000 feet
(3,048.0 m) from a plane. It's the thought
that counts, so put a little effort into it for
huge returns.
9
Be loyal.
Make sure he/she knows that you
will always be there for him/her. Put him/her
first in your life as much as you possibly can.
Not that you have to only see him/her ever, or
never talk to anyone else, but he/she should
know that he/she can always count on you if
he/she needs something. Also, expect the
same loyalty from him/her. You deserve to feel
prized in the relationship just as much as him/
her.
10
Do not ever hide anything from him/her.
Especially your feelings about him/her and your
relationship - whether good or bad! This way
you will be able to overcome all the difficulties
and challenges together. If something bad
happened in your past that still affects you in
the present, he/she needs to know about it.
Note: you should be able to discuss your
sexual history. It is an obligation before you
decide to be sexually involved with your
partner. But you should make them feel safe
and not judgmental and you should expect the
same from your partner.
11
Give him/her some space.
Everyone needs their
own privacy and some freedom, so don't
constantly watch everything he/she does.
Everyone hates to be watched, stifled and
controlled.
Do not ever spy on him/her (reading his/
her phone, stalking him/her on social
networks, following him/her around). If he/
she is cheating on you, you will find out.
These things cannot be kept secret for
very long. But if you spy on him/her and
he/she is innocent, you will lose his trust
and respect forever.
12
Express your feelings towards him/her.
Always
remind him/her of how much they mean to
you, and what they represent to you. Women
are not the only ones who need expressions of
love and care, men need that too.
If you have a problem, you need to let him/
her know - preferably in a clear and calm
manner without any yelling. If he says `Are
you OK?` and you answer yes, do not
expect him to understand that you really
meant no. Be honest and open.
Let him/her know it is safe to open up to
you about what he is feeling. Reward his/
her trust in you by sympathizing with him/
her and, but you don`t need to say much,
just listen.
Don't be afraid to lose him/her or spend
every minute fearing the huge pain that
might cause you. Enjoy each wonderful
moment as it happens, and realize that
there will never be another one just like it.
Never be pathetic and needy just to make
him/her pay attention to you and give you
sympathy.
A solid relationship should be based on
mutual respect; if you are constantly trying
to pull him/her down with you, this means
you don`t respect him /her enough to want
him/her to be happy. If you are depressed,
see a doctor - don`t pull some guy/girl into
your problems.
13
Encourage him/her.
So that he/she can be
more successful at work or study. That will
make him/her realize how much you care
about his/her future and wish that he/she'd
become one of the best. It will also make his/
her feeling towards you grow even stronger,
and he/she will believe that you're ready to
support him/her on anything he/she does.
14
Always make sure to notice your partner and
compliment them.
It will make them feel
appreciated.Has your partner got a new dress
or has changed their hairstyle? Tell them your
suggestions about it. It will make their day.
15
Sweet talking.
A simple 'Good morning
Beautiful/Handsome' would be an amazing
start to your partner's day. Send texts like "I
miss you babe" when you miss them. They
would definitely feel more loved.
Part Two of Two:
Things That You Must Do Together
1
Revive date-night.
Going on dates, even if
you've been in a relationship for years, is still
important. In fact, it's especially important for
couples who have been together long enough
to grow comfortable. Try to go on a date at
least once every month. Some couples make it
a priority to go on one date every week.
If you're having trouble imagining date
ideas, try recreating a date you had with
your partner early on in your courtship. Do
exactly the same thing(s), or put a spin on
the date by reinventing it in a significant
way.
Do something new and exciting. Doing
something that gets your blood flowing
and your heart rate up enhances feelings of
togetherness between partners. If you're
feeling brave, go on dates that makes you
feel like a kid all over again: going to a
comedy club, taking a cooking class, or
test-driving a new car, to name only a
few.
2
Practice forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a decision
of letting go of the past and focusing on the
present . It's about taking control of your
current situation, as you must offer it to your
partner as much as you demand it from them.
Remember who forgiveness really benefits.
Forgiving your partner absolves him or her,
but it also frees you from carrying around
anger and resentment. Don't view it as an
entirely altruistic act — it's something
you're doing for both of you.
3
Laugh together.
Laugh at one another with the
security of love. Laughter helps the world go
'round, and it may with your relationship, too.
Laughter helps your body burn calories,
increase blood flow, strengthen the immune
system, and lowers blood sugar levels. [1]
Laughter can be comforting, infectious, or an
aphrodisiac, and many things in between.
Don't forget to laugh.
4
Support each other.
Being supportive means
making your partner's happiness and well-
being a priority, in ways big and small. Keep in
mind that part of why you're together in the
first place is that you're each other's biggest
fans, so make sure you act like it. Try
demonstrating your support in these ways:
Be a good listener. If your partner needs
you to lend an ear, do it willingly. You
don't always need to come up with a
solution, just support.
Offer encouragement. If your partner is
trying to make a positive change, start a
new hobby, or undertake a difficult
challenge, be his or her biggest
cheerleader.
Provide a safe place. Allow your partner to
be vulnerable in front of you without fear of
judgment.
5
Devote time to each other.
Make spending time
with your partner a priority, even if it's a little
inconvenient at first. Relationships need shared
experiences to grow, and you're demonstrating
that nurturing yours is important to you.
Take up a hobby. Learning something new
together can help you grow closer, as well
as discovering a leisure activity you both
enjoy. Try sports like tennis or basketball,
learning a new language, cooking, crafting,
or whatever else you've been wanting to
try.
Find small ways to serve each other. Doing
small acts of service for your partner
shows that you're aware of what he or she
needs, and you're willing to help out. It
doesn't have to be an extravagant
gesture: make dinner, take care of a small
errand, or offer a foot rub at the end of the
day. Don't make it a big deal, and don't
automatically expect payback.
6
Develop better communication.
Most people
aren't born great communicators — it's
something nearly everyone has to work at. The
way you talk to your partner might seem small,
but you do it several times a day and it does
have an effect. Consider these fixes:
Don't use directive language. Try to keep
phrases like "you should" or "you can't"
out of your relationship. You and your
partner are equals, and neither one of you
should have the authority to direct the
other.
Relay your expectations. If you expect your
partner to do something, say it. Don't
expect that he or she should read your
mind, and don't rely on hints. Being clear
about what you want gives your partner a
fair shot at succeeding. (And keep the
above point in mind: instead of "You
should take the garbage out every day,"
say "I'd really like it if you took the
garbage out every day.")
Say "please" and "thank you." You should
be able to let loose around your partner,
so there's no need to worry about having
impeccable manners all the time. The
exception to this is asking nicely and
expressing gratitude when your partner
does something — don't just assume he or
she knows how you meant it.
Fight fair. Don't just let all these good
communication skills go out the window
during an argument. Try to get your point
across in a loving, respectful way that
doesn't seek to hurt your partner. If he or
she insists on yelling or throwing insults,
quietly request a calmer attitude.
