[b]How to Mend a Broken Relationship [\b]
Hurt is inevitable in significant relationships. Yet
pain and strife does not have to mean a
relationship is going to end. Many couples find
that working though trouble actually makes their
relationship even stronger. What they realize is
that all relationship require work, love, and
patience to succeed, and this is especially true
when trying to mend a broken relationship.
[b]Method One of Four:
Repairing Issues between Couples
1
Determine if the other person wants to fix the
relationship.
[\b] There is no sense in trying to fix
something if you are the only one willing to do
the work. If your partner is unapologetic for
mistakes, dismissive of your desire to talk, or
continues hurtful behavior, it might be time to
move on
It takes two people to mend a broken
relationship. If you are the only one trying
to save things then you will never succeed.
[b]
2
Determine why the relationship is in trouble.
[\b]
All relationships go through rough patches at
one point or another. As the novelty of your
first few months together wears off, problems
and stress start to pile up and things you once
found cute begin to annoy you to no end. While
there are always small issues in a relationship,
some issues can cause problems when they
linger under the surface for too long:
You don’t believe you opinion is respected.
You feel like your partner doesn’t care
about your needs.
You feel your partner is not helping with
chores, bills, kids, etc.
You don't communicate well and/or argue
frequently.[b]
3
Talk with your partner about what is bothering
you.
[\b] Many times, relationships end or hit rough
spots when there is not adequate
communication going on between the two
parties. While difficult, you have to be willing
to share your problems and issues with your
partner to have any hope of fixing them.
Make time to be honest with your partner.
Your concerns have to come out in the
open or they will never be fixed.
It can help to write down your problems
ahead of time, or discuss them with a
close friend so you feel comfortable
expressing yourself with your partner later.
[b]
4
Listen to your partner’s responses instead of
arguing.
[\b] Instead of trying to think of what you
need to say next, stop and try to understand
what they are telling you. Careful listening
shows respect, and will help you both figure
out what is going wrong in your relationship.
[b]
5
See the world from your partner’s eyes.
[\b] Too
often, couples get caught up in their own
emotions and neglect to see why their partner
is upset. This is the easiest way to drag
arguments out for days and days, but it can be
easily remedied. Pause for a moment and think
about why your partner is upset. What sorts of
mistakes have you made that might bother
them?
[b]
6
Act on your issues immediately.
[\b] It is not
enough to simply talk about your issues
together. You need to do something to address
them. Once you’ve figured out what is wrong
between you, each one of you should come up
with at least 2 things that you are going to do
to address the issues. Tell your partner your
solutions and ask them to hold you
accountable– the only way to mend a broken
relationship is to commit to healing it.
If your partner feels like they do all the
work, for example, make a list of 4-5
chores that you will commit to doing every
day.
If your partner feels like there is no more
romance in your relationship, designate a
“date” night once a week.
If your partner feels marginalized or
unloved, make a point to listen more and
talk less during dinner and before bed.
[b]
7
Forgive each other.
[\b] This can be the hardest
part of mending a relationship, but also the
most crucial. Forgiveness releases pent up
anger, pain, and emotions so that they don’t
come back later in life, sabotaging all the
progress you’ve made. Remember that no one
is perfect, and without forgiveness there
wouldn't be a single working relationship on
the planet.
Forgiveness takes time, so don’t be afraid
if you are still angry 1-2 days after an
argument. Keep working on forgiving your
partner and you’ll be surprised how quickly
you let go of negative emotions.
Talking to your partner and seeing their
mistake through their eyes can help you
understand the issue and offer forgiveness
more readily.
[b]
8
Give each other space and time to heal.
[\b] Being
together doesn't mean you've got a leash over
the other person. When mending a broken
relationship, your instinct might be to spend
every waking moment together. But this
prevents the two of you from stepping back
and seeing the big picture or your relationship,
it’s good sides and bad. Spending every
waking moment together often leads to
fighting or feeling trapped.
Remember the expression, “if you love
something, set it free.” Stifling or
micromanaging people only drives them
away. Trust yourself and your partner to
spend some time alone and you will both
return happier and healthier.
[b]9
Remember why you fell in love.
[\b] After a long
time with the same person, it is easy to let the
problems in your life, like money, kids, or
stress, overwhelm the good memories you
have. Try to take a step back from your daily
life and think about what you enjoy about your
partner, focusing on the reasons you work well
together. This will help your let go of the
negative thoughts that may have taken over
lately and remember why you are in love
Go through old photo albums and tells
stories from your early days together.
[b]
method two of four.
1
Know that it can take a long time to rebuild
trust after cheating.
[\b] Once one partner loses
faith in their partner it can take years to regain
the trust that was lost. Any time a cheating
partner leaves the house, meets up with
coworkers, or texts someone new, feelings of
jealousy and distrust are natural. Be prepared
to work hard, and for several months, to
rebuild trust after an affair.
Commit to healing your relationship, no
matter how difficult things are from day to
day, and you can one day rebuild the trust
that was lost.
[b]
2
Take responsibility for your mistakes.
[\b] Avoid
making excuses, blaming your partner, or
dismissing the affair as “a one-time thing.” In
order to ask for forgiveness and begin moving
on you need to take ownership of your
infidelity. By taking a good, hard look at
yourself you can eventually realize what made
you decide to cheat and find ways to avoid
making the same mistake.
[b]
3
Ask for forgiveness.
[\b] This can be the most
difficult thing to do after an affair, no matter
which side of the relationship you are on.
Asking for forgiveness, however, is the only
way to start the healing process – you cannot
move forward if your partner is still harboring
feelings of resentment. While you might not get
forgiveness immediately, you need to humble
yourself and ask for it anyway.
You will likely have to ask for forgiveness
multiple times, but you need to be honest
and sincerely sorry for your transgressions.
[b]
4
Become an open book.[\b]
If you cheated on your
partner, the fastest way to regain trust is to be
completely transparent. Make your schedule,
calendar, and contacts accessible to your
partner.Avoid hiding things, even small things,
as they can lead to feelings of distrust.
[b]
5
Keep all of your promises.[\b]
You need to show
that you are dependable again. Call when you
say you will call, show up on time, and do the
errands or chores like your promised every
single time.
Never make promises you can’t keep.
If you need to change plans, change them
several days in advance, giving your
partner ample time to adjust their schedule
as well.
[b]
6
Communicate about what your partner needs.
[\b]
Listen to what your partner needs from you to
help mend the relationship. It may be more
time together or more time apart. They could
want you to come home from work earlier or
stop drinking. No matter what it is, ask you
partner “what can I do to help fix this” and
listen to the answer without judgment.
This is not, however, and invitation for
abuse. Be sincere, helpful, and loving, but
do not let your partner abuse you out of
"fairness" or revenge.
[b]
Method Three of Four:
Avoiding Relationship Issues
1
Spend time together.[\b]
This seems obvious, but
you have to be together to keep your love
alive. Find things that you enjoy doing together
and commit to them, from cooking dinner to
going on Sunday hikes. A relationship requires
work to stay healthy, so don’t neglect your
partner and expect to stay in love.
If you cannot be together, write each other
letters or schedule times to talk on the
phone or online.
[b]
2
Communicate openly and honestly.[\b]
Honest
communication steers off problems before they
become giant issues. When something bothers
you, bring it up instead of bottling it inside.
Letting anger fester or grow only makes it
harder to curb later on in the relationship.
Jealousy, misunderstandings and ego can
lead to many failed romances, so be
upfront about your worries instead of
hiding them.[b]
3
View each other as a team.[\b]
Your partner is you
other half, and you need to remember this
when things get tough. One of the best parts
about being in love is knowing that you don’t
have to go through things alone – you have a
partner and friend to help you get through
stressful situations and feelings.
Work on projects together.
Discuss problems at work or home
together and brainstorm solutions.
Call your partner when you need someone
to talk to. They should always be willing to
listen when you need them. [\b]
4
Invest time in personal development.[\b]
Get up
early and eat healthy, exercise, and take care
of yourself. Not only does this make you
happier, but it makes it easier to then focus on
loving your partner. You need to be in the right
physical and mental space to love your
partner, and that means loving yourself.
[b]
5
Accept your partner’s faults.[\b]
No one is perfect,
and we often judge our lovers more harshly
than anyone else. Your partner is going to
make a mistake or hurt your feelings, and it
may be difficult to forgive them immediately.
However, the only way to stay in love is to
know and accept that your partner is not
perfect, and forgive them when they are wrong.
Accept and appreciate their quirks instead of
trying to change them.
You must be willing to give forgiveness in
order to receive it. Don’t forget that you
aren’t perfect either.
[b]
6
Take a vacation together. „[\b]
Escape from the
stress of everyday life for a week or a weekend
and Try to reconnect. A change of setting is a
great way to change your frame of mind. Once
you’ve left behind bills, work, and daily routines
you can focus on what matters most: each
other.
If you cannot get away for vacation, find a
way to have a vacation from home. Go out
to dinner and a movie, rent a hotel room in
town, or spend a rainy Sunday together in
your pajamas.
[b]
Method Four of Four:
Knowing When to End a Relationship
1
End relationships that constantly lead to pain
or anger.[\b]
Even if you have great times together
when things are good, a person who
constantly hurts you by yelling, cheating, or
disappearing will never change. If you find
yourself fighting or hurting regularly then you
are stuck in an unhealthy relationship, and you
need to get out.
Don’t let patches of happiness make you
second-guess your decision. Your partner
should almost never hurt you or break your
heart, no matter how good they are the
rest of the time.
[b]
2
Know that relationship issues are never one
person’s fault.[\b]
A relationship is between two
people, so never let your partner blame your for
all of the issues in your relationship. Someone
who passes blame and refuses to think about
their own role will be very difficult, if not
impossible, to get on your side. Never let
someone force you to change to save a
relationship – this is a sign of a controlling
and unhealthy relationship.
You should always feel free to be yourself
with your partner.[b]
3
Note if you fights resolve healthily or drag on
for weeks.[/b]
Healthy relationships have their
share of arguments, but they usually resolve
themselves quickly and without violence or
screaming. If you fights last for days or weeks,
or you keep having the same fight time and
time again, it may be time to look for someone
new.
This applies if you fight over different
things every day as well. If you find
yourself fighting over every single thing
that happens, step back and ask yourself
why.
[b]
4
Realize when you and your partner’s plans no
longer mesh. [\b]
Couples that once had perfect
chemistry can run into trouble when life-goals
and missions collide. If one person, for
example, wants to go back to grad school
while the other wants to travel the world, one
person might feel slighted or cheated no matter
which choice you go with. If you are constantly
fighting or drifting apart because you have
different dreams, it may be time to pursue your
goals on your own
Discuss marriage or having kids – if you
and your partner have opposing
viewpoints, then this is a red flag that a
long-term relationship might have
problems. [b]
5
End a relationship when you spend more time
miserable than happy.[\b]
Love is about having
fun, feeling secure, and enjoying your life
together. If you find yourself regretting time
together, waking up unhappy, or miserable in
your partner’s company, it is time to move on.
