insomnia
CHAPTER THREE
TWO MONTHS LATER
I opened my eyes and saw that I was on my bed. I sighed
and then I placed my hand over to my side as I've always
done . I felt her, she was there, I smiled. It had all been a
bad dream afterall. She suddenly sat up. I looked at her;
she looked so pretty in her dazzling white night gown. " I
thought you've gone forever?", I asked her. Hoping to
God that she'd reply. She didn't. Instead, she got up from
the bed.
"Please, don't leave"—I said anxiously, trying to get up but
failing, She started walking, not looking at me, and not
saying a word. I stretched my hand to grab her but she
was gone.
I woke up with a start, sweat pouring out of my body ,It
had been a dream. Damn it! But the nightmare, to me, was
not the dream, but the fact that life as I knew it, had
ended. I looked at the alarm clock: 3.09 a.m. What an odd
hour.
I got up from the bed, no bother trying to sleep, because I
knew it would be pointless. The house felt different, chilly
and empty. I felt a bit scared, knowing I was alone. Amy
had been taken to my Mother's house.
Mother had told me that I was in no shape to take care of
her at the moment, but who was to take care of me? I
picked up my phone and called up Felix's number, after a
moments hesitation, I dialled.
I placed it over my ear, I could hear the faint ringing and
then the line clicked.
" hello, Will?–is everything alright?" He sounded anxious. I
rolled my eyes, so now I was the helpless baby. I might as
well play the part fully.
"I'm sorry for calling this early, but–I–uh–I had a bad
dream." I pause and rub my chin, " do you think you could
come over? I don't think I can sleep, and I could use the
company."—I sounded like a 10 year old. I could hear him
hesitating.
"You don't have to come if you do not want to," I said.
"No, no. I'll come right over. Anything for you buddy.
Gloria will just have to wait. I'll just grab my work
clothes."
"Who's Gloria?" I ask, knowing what the answer would be.
He lowers his voice, "She's the latest to hold my heart. I
think she might be the one." I could hear him snigger. The
one to what, stay two months, three months tops? I didn't
even bother to ask.
"Thank you," I said and hung up. I stood still for a while,
and then dialled Mother. She was less enthusiastic talking
to me, and she reminded me that it was past 3 a.m and
honest folks were sleeping, "but I wanted to hear Amy's
voice," I whine.
"At 3a.m?" She snapped. I could only speak to Amy when
it was dawn, she had said. And that had ended that. What
was I expecting?
****
When Felix arrived at my place, at thirty minutes past 3,
we didn't stay up chatting or even drinking, No, instead I
fell asleep. I think the presence of another, living, person
made me feel relaxed.
That, of course, could not have been said of my pal, Felix.
He sat in my couch, stewing for a while. I'd erased the
prospect of a potential morning 'work out'(his exact
words), whatever that meant. I guess he later understood.
****
"Look at us, just like the old bachelor days huh?" Felix said
trying to lighten the mood, as he was buttoning his shirt
sleeve.
"You've always been a bachelor," I told him, trying not to
think too much of the old days. "And–forgive me– at the
rate you're going, will be a bachelor for ever."
He frowned a little, thought for a while and then laughed
boisterously.
"I just haven't found the ONE yet."
"What of uh–Gloria?" The one he mentioned not 3 hours
ago.
"She's a nice catch. But, come on, Will, you and I know
how it always ends." He smiled, his carefree smile.
I nod absentmindedly. To be without a care in the world. I
didn't envy him.
"You'll be alright, I am very sure of that," He said as he
patted my shoulders.
I stared blankly at the criss-cross blue and white pattern
on my neck tie, and then shook my head.
"That makes one of us," I said.
Felix placed a box of cereal on the table, and then looked
at me. That worry on his face. I wonder when they'll begin
to look at me without seeing a helpless person. I wonder.
"Are you really sure you want to head right back to work?"
"I don't see why not."
"I do."
I stare at him, all hard eyes and serious-faced, "What do
you know?"
"You're my friend, and–"
I cut him short, "Oh–yes–and have you ever lost someone
so dear before?" My voice just got a few octaves higher.
"Well–I–uh,"
I interrupt again, "All you ever do is change girls, you'll
never know," I was just blurting out words.
Felix just stared at me, wild eyes and surprised. Then
confused, and then angry.
"Who called to wake me at three in the morning?"
"I didn't–"
It was his turn to interrupt me, "I left my house, and Gloria,
to help you and here you transfer some sort of anger on
me?"
I was as confused as he was. Really.
"I'm sorry." I say, "I just don't want to sit at home doing
nothing. It'll keep reminding me of– I pause– her."
Felix sighed, and then his face softened. He must have
felt guilty or something, I was the grieving one afterall.
He was silent, searching for the right words. The room
was silent with the tension of two grown men, friends,
bickering in confusion.
"Let's eat breakfast, and go to work, okay?"
"Okay." I say. Vowing to myself to drop this grieving act,
and try to move on as soon as possible. Although, it was
one of those promises you make, in the heat of a moment,
that needs extra effort to be achieved.
Felix volunteered to drive, besides he wanted to drop by
and check on Gloria.
I locked the door, and then stood back to observe.
Normally, I would always hurriedly eat my breakfast, kiss
Angela ,tickle Amy and then dart out of the house. Now, I
was the one locking up; weird. The changes I wasn't sure
I could live with.
****
I'd just gotten admission into college the year I met
Angela. It was also the same year I'd met Felix, actually I
met them both on the same day.
I was this hot-head youth with a nagging desire to change
the system, so I joined the Student's Union.
It was the period of the semester examinations, and as
usual, freshmen were edgy and nervous. It was a
Thursday on a cool July afternoon. A perfect day to stage
a 'peaceful' protest, the union had decided. The fees had
become outrageous, the library was in a sorry state(not
that any one cared), and student living expenses just got
high. Somebody up there was not doing their jobs, so we
decided to protest and give an ultimatum, after which
we'd strike if our needs weren't meant. It was a sweet
plan, and we cheered as the president sat down. But
things don't always go according to plan, do they?
Armed with placards and megaphones, we matched
around yelling complaints, and our threats. The union
president was leading the charge, yelling into the
megaphone he gripped tightly in his glistening, dark hands.
His name was Christopher.
I was in forefront that day, behind Christopher. I was
young and fearless, edging Christopher on, shouting even
louder than the guy with the megaphone. I judged any one
feeble, who wasn't generating much noise. I even grabbed
a megaphone from a guy who didn't seem to be using it.
I was in the front, so I had no idea that people had starting
to 'discharge' from the back. Even Christopher understood
what was happening before me. Apparently the school
had a zero tolerance for protests. Any form at all.
The commotion started from behind, and those of us in
front, chanting and marching, were oblivious of the now
scrambling students.
Placard in my left hand, megaphone in my right, I was
shouting:
"No education, No life," "No money, no educati..." I didn't
finish that particular statement when I felt someone grab
my hand and say in pidgin:
"Oboi, you no go move?"
It was then it dawned on me: Christopher has disappeared,
our so called 'tight' formation had broken down. I was the
only one not running.
The hand again grabbed me, but this time a female voice:
"Move!" There was that unmistakable urgency in the voice,
and so before I could absorb the situation, my legs were
already running. I kept running, following the ones who
had grabbed me. We leaped through fences like action
heroes, maneuvered through hostels like armed robbers,
and finally stopped at a lodge. I stopped and placed my
hands on my knees, panting hard and feeling my heart
beating so fast that I was scared it would cut off. I really
needed to join the athletics club and not the student's
union. I was out of shape. Then, we were all out of breath
and laughing. For the first time, I looked up to see my
saviors.
"That was fun. I'm Felix Madu, by the way" The young
man said, and stretched out his hands
"Speak for yourself"–I thought and stretched out my hand
to grip his in a firm handshake.
" My name is William," I mumbled.
"I know," He laughed again and made impressions of me
with the megaphone.
"Have you boys forgotten about me?", she had said.
My gaze automatically shifted to her. My heart stopped.
****
"Daydreaming again?" I heard a voice say, and I looked
up; it was one of my colleagues, John, or as we liked to
call him: the errand boy.
"No. I was just–uh–I have a slight headache, so I'm
resting my head."
He didn't seem to care.
"Well, the boss needs you in his office, pronto."
Of course, I thought scornfully, who else would they send.
And who says pronto?
I stood up from my desk and walked slowly towards the
boss' office. Most of my colleagues lifted their heads from
their huge piles of paper work and watched me as I moved
past them. My step was slow, and deliberate. More like
automatic; I was like a zombie.
I knocked once and then I entered. I looked around the
office as if it were my first time in it; it was spacious with
a huge brown desk in the middle, which could sit three
people comfortably on one side.
There were some quality lounge chairs by the side of the
office, close to the walls. A flat screen t.v was mounted
on the wall, tuned to CNN(typical)–although, I had the
feeling it was tuned to that channel for my benefit. He
probably watched soap operas.
Beside that, a few feet away, was a cupboard on top of
which was a coffee maker. The office was a classy affair,
compared to the drab cubicles we were made to work in.
I closed the door behind me and walked towards the desk.
My boss motioned me to a seat as he watched me closely.
I sat , very much aware of his gaze. I knew the reason why
I was here, my performance lately had been dwindling. I
looked at the gold cased name plaque on his desk, 'that
must have cost something', I thought. My boss shifted in
his seat and cleared his throat. His name was Mr.James
O., whatever the 'O' stood for.
He was a short man, around 55. He looked shorter than
usual today, maybe it was because I sat at the edge of my
seat. He was balding, I noticed. He looked well fed and he
had a pair of glasses perch on his nose.
"I am sure you probably know why I asked for you, you're
a clever man."
Starting soft, did he want to fire me?. I didn't reply. My
face was impassive.
He continued, "First of all, I must say, I'm very sorry for
your loss, and all you've been through this past week. I
understand how you must feel."
I gazed at him sharply, he understands?, what did he
know, he still had a wife at home, how could he possibly
understand. I didn't just lose some stocks or anything.
He opened his drawer and brought out a large file and
started flipping through it's contents. He was nodding his
head and then he frowned a little.
"I can't help but notice, Mr.William, that you haven't been
performing up to your standards recently. Now, I
understand the emotional impact of your loss, but we
must not let it affect this company's revenue. I also
understand that you didn't want a leave. I will still happily
grant you one, recharge yourself and come back.
Remember we have a goal to reach by the year's end, and
we can't reach that goal when you're sloppy and
depressed." He looked up at me.
I nodded, still saying nothing. So much for understanding.
He looked at me, thought for a while, then he said: "Why
not take a few weeks off, It will be paid for don't worry,
just go home and relax and recharge yourself. This
company needs the full you, you are one of our best
players". He closed the file and interlocked his fingers,
looking all business like.
I shook my head. This was not something I wanted to talk
about. I'd already made up my mind.
"No sir, I don't really need a leave, I promise I'll pick up. It
just takes a little getting used to, but I'll improve."
He nodded, "that's what I was told, and I must confess
that is also what I would have done, were I in your shoes."
I stared at him. He definitely could fit in my shoes,
figuratively and literally, and what the hell was he saying,
everyone knows that he would never miss the slightest
opportunity to leave this office, what a slob. I watched
him talk and talk, but I was deep in my own thoughts, I
came back when I heard him say:
"...which is why I have decided to tag you with someone,
she'll be your partner and assistant, that way we'll make
up for your lapses."
I didn't know what to say. I tried to protest, "but sir...", He
cut me short with the wave of his hand, and he place a call
to the secretary, "please send in miss Cassidy."
Cassidy, what sort of name was that, I bet she'll be totally
unattractive just like the last one. This guy certainly had a
lousy taste when it comes to women, I thought. Was I
wrong.
We heard a knock and the door opened gently, then she
came in. I followed James' gaze and felt a chill run
through my spine when my eyes locked on her. It took me
back to that day. The day I met Angela.
"Hi, I'm Angela." She said and stretched her hands. I was
still breathing hard from our sprint, and I felt hot and cold
at the same time. Felix stood there, watching me, an
amused glint in his eyes. She was a pretty picture of
beauty and innocence. Her hair cut short, and her smile
steady, showing a beautiful gap teeth. Her eyes were
brown, and alive. It showed spirit, someone who found joy
in living. A joy that was contagious. I took her hands in
mine. Soft. My mouth was dry, and I stammered, but I
couldn't say anything.
That day, was the single most important day in my....
"William!" My Boss' voice brought me back. I shook my
head and stared at the lady looking at me with a trying-to-
place-me look. I felt my mouth go dry.