How to Find out if He's Playing With You
If you’re really feeling a guy and aren’t sure if
he’s on the same page, it can cause you a lot of
stress and self-doubt. If you’re not sure if the guy
is playing with you, then you need to think about
the things he does and says when you’re
together. Though there’s no foolproof way to
know if he’s playing with you unless you ask him
or catch him in the act, there are many signs that
he’s not being genuine with you, and it’s
important to know if you should watch out as
soon as possible.
Part One of Three:
Seeing What He Does
1
See if he’ll only hang out with you in certain
parts of town.
One way to know if he’s playing
with you is to see if he’s comfortable hanging
out with you anywhere or if he gets nervous or
reluctant if you want to hang out in a new part
of town or go on a new adventure. If he acts
this way, it may be because he’s been hanging
out with other girls in other parts of town and
doesn’t want to have any awkward run-ins. If
you want to know if he’s playing you, you
should casually mention that you want to go to
to a different restaurant, different movie
theatre, or another public park in town to see if
it makes a difference to him.
If he’s really playing you, then he probably
has his balancing act down to an art. If
you try to change his usual schedule, then
you may be able to call his bluff.
Ask yourself if he’s always the one who
decides where you should go. Of course, he
may just want to take charge for other
reasons, but this could be a giveaway that
he wants to steer you away from places
where you’re likely to run in to some of his
other ladies.
2
See if he’s reluctant to meet your friends or to
have you meet his.
If your guy never wants to
meet your friends, it may be because he
doesn’t want to make the relationship a
serious commitment. If he doesn’t want you to
meet his friends, it may be for the same
reason, with the additional worry that his
friends may say something about the other
girls he’s seeing. Whether he’s seeing
someone else or not, if you’ve been together
for a while and he’s shown no interest in
wanting to meet your friends or have you meet
his, then it’s a red flag.
If he doesn’t want to become a bigger part
of your life, then it’s because he doesn’t
want things to get too serious.
That said, if you try to rush him into
meeting your friends, or even your family,
after just a few weeks of dating, then you
may be moving too fast. He may have
legitimate reasons for taking things slow,
like wanting to make sure he knows where
things stand, or giving his friends some
time to get used to the idea of him having
a new girlfriend because he recently got
out of a serious relationship.
3
See if he acts weird if he runs into you in
public.
If things are great when you and your
guy are alone and he suddenly gives you the
cold shoulder when you run into him at the
mall or outside a restaurant, then something is
definitely up. Either he’s acting weird because
he’s seeing another girl and doesn’t want to
be seen with you, or because he doesn’t want
his friends or anyone else to think he’s dating
you. Either way, this should be a cause for
concern.
If he really cares for you, then he should be
excited to see you and should even show
you some affection. Of course, he doesn’t
have to be as affectionate in public as he
would be in private, but he should act like
he really wants to see you.
Check out his body language. Does he
make eye contact and move toward you? If
so, then that’s a good sign. But if he
stands away from you, crosses his arms
over his chest, and keeps looking around
instead of looking at you, then this means
that he’s trying to keep his distance.
4
See if he’s reluctant to be affectionate with
you in public.
If you two go out on a date but
he acts like you’re brother and sister, then you
should be asking yourself why. If he’s playing
you, then he doesn’t want the world to know
that he’s seeing you, either because he’s also
seeing someone else or he just wants to keep
his options open. Though not all guys are into
holding hands, for example, he should want to
give you some sort of affection if he really
cares for you.
You don’t want to put the pressure on him
to be affectionate in public too early, but if
you’ve gone on several dates and he still
stands a foot away from you any time
you’re out together, then this may be a
cause for concern.
5
See if he’s sweet to you one minute and
distant the next.
If he’s all loving, sweet, kind,
and wanting to kiss you one minute and then
the next, he acts like he barely knows who you
are, then this may be because he’s playing
with you. Maybe he’s in the mood to hang out
with you on certain days, while he thinks he
has better things to do on others. Whether this
means he’d rather hang with another girl or
spend time with his buddies, if he’s always hot
and cold, then he’s definitely playing with you.
Think about it: does he often leave you
feeling confused about what he really feels
about you or where you stand with him? If
so, then this may be because he’s playing
with your emotions.
6
See if he would never give up a night with his
friends for you.
If the guy is playing with you,
then he’ll never think that you come first with
him. He would always spend a night out with
his buddies, but when it comes to you, he’ll
only hang out with you on certain times, when
you suspect that his friends might be busy or
that he has nothing else on his social calendar.
If he really likes you, then he’ll think of you as
a priority, not as social sloppy seconds. If you
want to know if he’s playing with you, see if
he’ll ever give up a night with his friends for a
nice evening with you.
If the guy is serious about you, then he
should be excited about hanging out with
you instead of his friends, at least some of
the time. Though you don’t want him to
give up his other friends or his social life
for you completely, if he makes no
compromises for you at all, then it may be
because he’s playing with you.
7
See if he’s shady with his phone.
One dead
giveaway that a guy is playing with you is that
he’s very secretive when it comes to his
phone. If he’s always checking his phone and
then texting away from your direction, stepping
out to take calls a lot without telling you who
called, or goes hours without picking up his
phone with no explanation, then it may be
because he’s playing you. Of course, some
guys are protective about their privacy and
that’s perfectly normal, but if he’s always on
his phone and you never know what he’s
doing, then it may be a red flag that he’s
playing you.
Think about it: does he ever leave his
phone out, even for a second, or is it
always stuck in his pocket? Though you
don’t want to snoop through it, if you can
tell that he’s freaked out even about the
idea of you seeing who is calling or texting
him, then you may have a problem.
Another thing you can look out for is if he
turns off his phone completely when he’s
hanging out with you. Though this may be
a sweet gesture to give you his full
attention, it may also be his way of
warding off other girls who might be
calling him when you’re together.
Part Two of Three:
Seeing What He Says
1
See if he’s always saying he’s too busy for
you but he seems to have plenty of time for
everyone else.
If you’ve heard him tell you how
busy he is again and again, saying that he
doesn’t have ten free minutes for anyone, and
then you heard that he spent his night out
with a bunch of friends, then this may be a
sign that he’s playing with you. The truth of
the matter is that if a guy really wants to hang
out with you, that he’ll find the time to do it.
Though there are exceptions if he really does
get super busy, if you find out that he’s
spending that time with other people, then it
should be a cause for concern.
If he says he’s busy studying or doing
work and then you find out that he’s been
doing something else, even if he’s just
hanging out with his brother, then he’s
playing you. If he cared for you, then he’d
be honest about what he was doing
instead of lying.
2
See if he’s reluctant to commit to anything
more than two weeks in the future.
If your guy
tries to change the subject any time you try to
talk about the future, even if you’re only talking
about your holiday plans, which are a month
away, then this may be a sign that he’s
playing you. If he’s serious about you, then
he’ll want to see you as a part of his future
and he won’t back off when you bring it up.
Of course, if you’ve been dating for three
weeks and start talking about your
wedding, it’s natural that he’ll freak out,
but if you just bring up what you’ll both be
doing a month from now, then he’ll have
no reason to worry if he cares for you.
Listen to how he talks about you and the
relationship. If he never, ever brings up the
future or includes you in his future plans,
then he may be playing you.
3
See if he hasn’t told any of his friends about
you.
If you finally meet his friends or run into
his friends and they say something like, “I
didn’t know he had a girlfriend…” or just look
surprised by your presence, then this is
because the guy didn’t think your relationship
was serious enough for him to bring it up to
his friends. If he cares about you and you’ve
been seeing each other a while, then he should
be excited about the relationship and should
want his friends to know who you are.
If he’s sweet to you when it’s just the two
of you, but is more buddy buddy or even
distant around his friends, then he may
just like to flirt with you without wanting
anything serious.
Of course, some guys like to act tough in
front of their friends, and he may not
shower you with kisses when you meet
them. But if he’s never even told them
about you, then he may just be playing
you.
4
See if he’s reluctant to call you his girlfriend.
If you consider him your boyfriend and have
been seeing only him for months while you’ve
never heard the word “girlfriend” come out of
his mouth, then this may be because he
doesn’t think the relationship is as serious as
you think it is. If he introduces you to people
as his friend or even seems like he’s not
feeling it when you call him your boyfriend,
then it may be because he’s playing you.
Sometimes, words do speak louder than
actions, and if he refuses to call you his
girlfriend though you’ve been dating for a
while, then there must be a reason behind
it.
He may be afraid of commitment without
playing you. If this is the case, you still
need to have a talk about it.
5
See how he talks to other girls.
If you want to
know if he’s playing you, then you should see
how he talks to the other girls he knows. Sure,
he may be polite and not interested when he
talks to other girls if you’re standing right next
to him, but if you see him talking to a girl out
of the corner of your eye from the other side of
the room and he’s being incredibly flirtatious,
then this may be because he’s playing you.
If he really likes you, then he’ll find no
need to talk to other girls in a flirtatious
way. Sure, he can still talk to them and he
doesn’t have to ignore every girl but you,
but if you can tell from the way he talks to
other girls that he wants more from them
than just friendship, then he may be
playing you.
Though you don’t want to spy on him or
get too obsessive, if one of your friends is
at a party where he’s talking to other girls,
ask your friend what it was like. Though
your friend shouldn’t be too obvious about
watching him, you may get a better read
on the situation this way than you would if
you were in the room yourself.
6
See if he’s always full of excuses.
A classic
sign of a player is a man who is always full of
excuses. He may be so smooth and so
convincing that you don’t even notice that he’s
completely lying to you. He may tell you about
his grandmother getting sick, his dog needing
to go to the vet, or about how he forgot your
date because he “overslept” or had to comfort
a friend. Sure, things happen, but if you find
that he has a perfect excuse for every little
reason why he’s disappointed you, then he
may be playing you.
If you’ve heard the excuse “my phone
died” more than twice, then chances are,
this is not the real reason he didn’t call
you back.
If he seems extra sweet and apologetic
when he gives you these excuses, then it
may be because he’s covering up the fact
that he’s lying.
7
See if he starts acting nervous when you ask
him about his night.
Another way to see if
he’s playing you is to simply ask him how his
night went if he told you he was staying in or
hanging out with his friends. While you don’t
need to ask about every little detail of the
night, if you casually just ask a few questions
about what happened, whether you ask what
movie he watched when he was staying in
alone or which bar he went to if he was
supposedly out with his friends, you should
check out his body language and words to see
if he gets nervous, starts stuttering, or just
acts uncomfortable.
Though you don’t want to interrogate him,
if you just ask a few questions without
making a big deal about it, you may even
be able to catch him in a lie.
Ask him while you’re doing something else,
like scrolling through your phone, so he
doesn’t see that you’re really trying to
figure him out.
Part Three of Three:
Finding Out For Sure
1
Ask him.
If you want to know if a guy is
playing you, the easiest way can be to ask
him. Though you may not want to know if he’s
cheating on you, you can just ask him where
you stand with him. If he’s not feeling it as
much as you are, then you’re better off
knowing sooner rather than later. Simply find
some time to be alone and ask him what his
thoughts are about you and your future
together.
Though this may not be easy, this is far
better than wondering for months. You’ll
have a definitive answer, once and for all.
And if he’s obviously lying, then you’ll be
able to see that, too.
If you’re really feeling bold, you can just
flat-out ask him if he’s cheating. Point to
some shady behavior that has led you to
feel this way.
2
Ask your friends what they think.
Though it’s
best to just ask him yourself, you can also get
some great feedback from your friends, too.
They’ve been watching the situation unfold and
may have a sense of what the relationship is
like from the outside. They may even have a
better sense of whether or not he’s playing you
because they might have seen him with girls
without you and may have a different
impression.
Tell your friends to be honest with you.
They shouldn’t lie to you just to spare your
feelings.
They can investigate a bit if you really
want them to. If it won’t look too obvious,
you can have one of your friends casually
show up in a place where your guy is likely
to be and to keep an eye on him to see
how he is with other girls. Of course, if he
thinks you’ve sent a spy in his direction,
he’ll be on his best behavior.
3
Consider following him.
Okay, so if you really
don’t care about being found out or breaking
his trust, then one thing you can do is to
follow your guy after you’ve been hanging out,
or just when you know he’ll be at a certain
place, to see what he’s been up to. Whether
you’re driving at a far distance away, walking,
or taking the bus, try to be far enough away
that he doesn’t see you and to have a ready-
made story in case he does catch you in the
act. This can lead you to see if he’s seeing any
other girls—or if he’s just going home to hang
out with his cat.
Just know that this is pretty risky behavior
that can lead you to get caught. If you’re
caught and he hasn’t been doing anything
wrong, this can be a relationship ender for
you, so make sure you really think
following him is a good idea before you
begin.
4
Show up at his place when he doesn’t expect
it.
Another way to find out if he’s playing you
is to show up at his place unannounced. You
can pop in an hour earlier than you said you’d
be there to see if there’s a different woman
there or if he’s suspiciously cleaning
everything up. You can also just drop by
because you’re “in the area” at a time when
he’s supposed to be studying or home working
to bring him some coffee or a treat. When you
show up, see if he’s happy to see you or if he
seems nervous, like he’s hiding something—or
someone.
Of course, if it’s totally absurd that you
would show up at his house out of the
blue, then he’ll be on to you. But if you’ve
come over there before and it hasn’t been
a big deal, just try to make it seem
natural.
5
Snoop through his things—if you’re okay with
breaking his trust.
Though snooping through
your guy’s things won’t win you any trust
points, if you’re desperate and feel pretty sure
that you want to cheat on him, then you can
try looking through his phone or his email, or
even looking through his room for suspicious
items like female clothing that is obviously not
yours. Snooping is a last resort and you should
only do it if you feel like you really need
answers and nothing else is working.
The problem with snooping is that, even if
you’ve found evidence, you’ll have to
admit that you’ve been going through the
guy’s things if you want to call him out.
This will make him angry at you, and will
take the focus off the real situation.
If you’re looking through his phone, have
an excuse ready in case he catches you.
You can say that your phone died and that
you were looking up the restaurant where
you two were having dinner or that you
needed to quickly check your email or
something. Though this may not be too
convincing, it may be better than nothing.
6
Try to catch him in a lie.
You can also try to
catch the guy in a lie to find out if he’s playing
you. If he’s mentioned that he hung out with
his friends or brother the other night, when you
see them, you can ask about how the boy’s
night out went; if they look confused, then you
may know that he lied. If he tells a story about
how he had to stay home because his sister
was having drama, you can ask him how she’s
feeling a few days later; if he acts like he has
no idea what you’re talking about, then it may
be because he already forgot his own lie.
You can even try asking him simple
questions like which movie he saw if he
went to the movies with his friends. If he
looks embarrassed or clearly doesn’t know
the answer, then you’ll know that he’s
playing you.
7
Even if there’s no proof, trust your gut.
If you
just get the feeling that the guy isn’t sincere
even though you can’t find any proof of it
through snooping, then it may be time to end
the relationship. Maybe he’s not seeing other
girls, but he still can be playing with you just
because he’s not feeling it as much as you
are. As long as you know you’re not the one
with jealousy issues and see that you have a
real reason to be concerned, if you really think
he might be playing you, then it’s time to cut
him loose.
When you’re with a guy who really cares
for you and who is there for only you,
you’ll know. You won’t spend hours
calling him and wondering where he is and
you won’t have to stoop as low as
snooping through his things or following
him because you’ll have no reason to do
it. You’ll know that he’s there for you
100% and that will be an amazing feeling.
