If you live in Lagos, and you’ve never noticed
these categories of people inside all the
buses you’ve been entering all these years,
then your eyes are not holy (you need to go
wash it 7 times in River Niger).
1. The toasters and the toastees
In the event that the bus is loading in the
park, there’s usually always that guy who
looks well around before deciding on where
to seat – the deciding factor, is that fine
lady that’s been seating by your side since,
that fine babe you couldn’t muster enough
courage to talk to even though you’ve been
staring at her yellow laps since you entered
the bus.
2. The preacher
While you sit there constantly pinching
yourself because you didn’t make the first
move on the fine sister, one churchie from no
where wearing a large shiny signboard as his
shirt will start to disturb your flow of
emotions.
Each shout of “Repent, Jesus is coming
soon” he gives, makes your heart jolt
momentarily, because deep down you know
he’s saying the truth.
3. Okechukwu and his loud phone call
Your mind is flashing you all the sins you’ve
committed, between the time after you asked
God for mercy this morning and your staring
at Sisi’s laps, your conscience is passing
outstanding judgement on you, until
Okechuwku comes to your rescue with his
loud mouthed phone call of money and
containers landing to his associates at Alaba,
Ladipo, and Idumota.
4. The woman who must collect her change
You’re happy for the distraction Okechuwku
has brought even though the other
passengers are complaining. Suddenly, the
igbo woman sitting next to the driver turns
her neck and is shouting without provocation
at the conductor “Give me my change made.
Ole!” An argument begins in earnest, with the
yorubas automatically taking the drivers side,
and the ‘Omo Ibos’ supporting their sister.
5. The silent ghosts
With the civil war brewing, you and all your
fellow deaf and dumbs in the bus are still
quiet, and earnestly praying to arrive at the
bus-stop, so that you can run away before
they break someone’s head, or police come
and carry everyone for noise making. ( I think
I belong to this group).
What did I miss? What do yo experience daily
in the public bus? Let’s talk.
