These guidelines will help you find your
true match.
When I was dating, each man I met
seemed to have wonderful qualities. But after a few dates or even a few weeks,
something would often emerge that
changed my mind. The guy who was
spontaneous really had a problem with
commitment and the guy who had a
really steady job was really a workaholic.
It was always such a disappointment.
The longer I was single, the more I
started to ask the question of how could
I ever know who someone was right
away?
I figured out that by following a few
simple rules, I could get to know a guy
before giving my heart away. So if you’re
looking for a few tried-and-true dating
tips that actually work, I sincerely
recommend you give these tips some
thought.
1. On a first date, meet up in public. On
your first date (especially if you’ve never
met them before), meet somewhere
neutral and in public. This is mostly for
safety. Make sure you have a plan to
keep the date short. Arrange to have a
friend call your cell phone half an hour
after the date begins to check on you
and give you the “emergency call out” if
things are already uncomfortable.
Sometimes, the first impression tells you
all you need to determine if there is a
connection. Meeting for coffee in a
casual cafe works best.
2. Listen to your intuition. Make sure you
listen to your gut. What is your first
impression? Is he/she being honest?
Does he/she seem authentic? You want
to go into the date from the viewpoint
of analyzing the situation with a critical
eye. Physical chemistry isn’t everything
and besides, the novelty will always
wear off over time. It’s just one of the
important ingredients to a successful
relationship.
3. Don’t ignore the warning signs —
even the small ones! So, assuming that
you’re attracted to your date, you still
need to remain objective enough to get
to know who this person is beyond how
physically appearance. Dating is meant
to be fun and entertaining, but odds are,
you’re also looking for a commitment.
You should learn over time if the person
you’re with has what you need to be
happy. Even if you’re still unclear on this
after going out on five or six dates with
this person, that’s okay. This decision
evolves over time. The longer you’re with
someone, the more you know about
them. Watch for warning signs and keep
these in the back of your mind so you
can see how they play out in your
relationship over time. And if your date
can’t get past a few dates without being
impolite or inappropriately s*xual, it’s
time to sever the cord and move on.
4. Spend three to six months getting to
know your date. The purpose of dating
is to find out as much as you can about
the other person as quickly as possible
to see if he/she is a true match. It’s a
numbers game, so you want to date as
many people as you can until you find
the right one. In my experience, it takes
three to six months of dating (with a
date at least once per week), to
determine if someone is right for you.
Resist the urge to decide that this
person is the perfect match for you,
because you can only really get to know
someone over time. You need to be clear
and honest with yourself. So, no matter
how intensely you feel, remind yourself:
“I am just getting to know this person
enough so I can find out if I want to
take it further.”
5. Talk to someone who can give you an
objective perspective. Whether it’s a
friend, a family member or a therapist, it
helps to share your dating experiences
with someone else to get an outsider’s
perspective. Sometimes, these people
have a better insight into our
motivations than we do ourselves. Are
you tired of being along and simply
willing to settle for anyone? Maybe your
biological clock is ticking and your
desire to have kids is outweighing your
decision to meet and commit to
someone who would truly make you
happy. A therapist can help you stay
objective, avoid making cloudy decisions
and can help point out your blind spots.
Having an objective ear can really make a
great difference between making smart
decisions versus impulsive ones.
Dating is about getting to know new
people, then breaking up and repeating
this process until you meet your true
match. Try not to spend too much time
with the wrong person. The more time
you spend with the wrong person, the
more attached you’ll get and the more
hurt you’ll be when the relationship
ends. You want to find your soulmate
with minimal heartache. This means
keeping the wrong relationships as
short as possible so you can get to the
one you’re meant to be with for life!
Source: yourtango.com
