Respect
/rɪ’spɛkt/
verb
1. Admire (someone or something) deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
I have a great boss. His accounting abilities are good. His managerial qualities are even better. And he has achieved a lot. So yes, you could say I respect him.
It was half past six in the evening and my head was still buried in a huge pile of files that I have to treat. Work closes normally at four, but these days work closes when you are done with work, or rather when work is done with you. No complaints. Just get the job done.
My boss is all about results. How you get the job done doesn’t concern him… one of the qualities that make me respect him. (Half smile wey no reach bele…)
At seven I had reduced the pile of files to just one and it was time to go. All I had to do was go to my boss’ office, knock on his door twice, wait for a reply before going in, then tell him I had finished and I was heading home. But because I respect my boss so much I decided to shelf my ideas with our president’s vision 2020 agenda and wait till he left before I did.
At 7:20pm my phone rang. My girlfriend. (sh**) I had totally forgot we were supposed to go see a movie and have dinner later. After two missed calls I had to pick, because I knew what wrath came with missing the third.
“Hello honey! I am so sorry. I’ve been trying your number but it wasn’t going through. I am still at work, but I will be out soon…hope you’re not too angry with me?”
Dead silence.
“Hello honey…are you there?”
“Yes I am” she finally replied. “So when were you going to call and tell me this? You keep doing this all the time! I am getting sick and tired of this work excuse you bring up every time. I am beginning to think you are avoiding me. You barely even have time for me. Tell me the truth. Is there someone e…”
“Your account balance has been exhausted and your call terminated. Please load a recharge card, thank you”
Aaaarghh! Stupid network!! Couldn’t they have alerted me while the call was ongoing? Oh wait. They did. During that awkward dead silence. Now she’d think I cut the call on her. I needed to recharge my phone. I needed to call her back, but I couldn’t leave the office now because I respect my boss so much…
Nature had been calling since 2:30pm but I had ignored it. Now like a second neglected wife it came calling. And this time I couldn’t afford to ignore it. I ran to the toilet, beating Usain Bolt’s 100m record by a large margin!
I got to the toilet “safely”, if you know what I mean. And then the unbearable happened. Out of shock I screamed! The toilet door was locked! There was someone else inside. I banged on the door out of annoyance and a sonorous voice replied back, “hey! Don’t you know there is someone here?”
“Sorry” I replied “but please could you be quick?” I asked politely.
“I just got here, so this will take a while”, he replied, not politely.
Sweating profusely, I moved to rest my back on the next closed door, and to my utmost surprise it swung open, almost falling. I held on to the door handle to regain balance.
How is this possible? I thought to myself. This door was always locked. I kept staring at my boss’ toilet until the surge came again and this time there was no more room for thoughts.I rushed in, closed the door and took off my suit in one action. (Ultimate motivation).
I was already half way done when I heard the door creak. Then the sound stopped for a while before it became more rigorous, like the person on the other side of the door was trying to force it open.
“Who is there?” a voice queried. I couldn’t answer because that voice could only belong to one person.
“I said who is there?!”
This time the voice was more firm and serious. I was doomed! I had done what nobody had ever dreamed of doing…using the boss’ toilet! It was the highest form of disrespect. What had I been thinking?!!
I pulled up my pant, put on my suit, and moved slowly to the door.
“It is me sir”, I managed to say after some seconds.
“You who?” he asked.
“Kelvin”.
Dead silence. Definitely not MTN warning me my credit was exhausted.
“Are you done?” my boss asked after a long pause.
“No sir, eem, yes sir” Damn! I was stuttering!
“Take all the time you need and let me know when you’re done”, my boss said as he walked away. I placed my ears to the door to hear his footsteps walking away. I knew I hadn’t heard the last of this. How does one write a reply to a query that says “Why did you use the boss’ toilet? This was IT for me!
I was about to leave when I remembered I had some unfinished business to attend to and trust me it wasn’t getting a recharge card to call my angry girlfriend, who by now would be crying her eyes out thinking I was breaking up with her. I had an unfinished call with nature. Slowly this time and more confidently, I took off my suit again and got down to business. I didn’t care anymore.
Infact this incident made me respect my boss even more, because of the way he handled the situation. He admired my courage and bravery deeply. Because of my ability to improvise, I had done what no one dared to do. You could call that an achievement.
I think my boss respects me. Respect isn’t what it is anymore. I think it’s been replaced by fear, because really what is disrespectful about using the boss’ toilet?!!
I respect my boss, but I was too pressed to hold. I just had to go, and there was a free toilet. I am a grown man…I couldn’t go on myself. I had a suit on. How would I have looked doing a “short put”? Three rapid knock on the door broke my thoughts.
“Sir?”, I answered.
“Kelvin you are finished!” the voice said, but there was something different about this voice. It definitely didn’t belong to my boss…it was the voice of that fool in the first toilet.
“Screw you!” I screamed after him, as I heard his footsteps fade into the hall way. At that moment my phone rang and I looked at the caller ID. My love. I cut the call and typed “Call U wen m done with d loo and facing my boss”. 5 seconds later I got a reply.
“So you are really breaking up with me?!! I hate you so much right now”
Out of respect I didn’t type what I had in mind. I quickly washed my hands, opened the door and was making my way to the exit when…
“Are you done now, Kelvin?” a voice asked.
“Yes sir”. It belonged to my boss.
“Okay, have a good night”.
By now I knew where the voice was coming from. The general toilet!
Unbelievable!
I guess my boss is human after all!
