After he rolled off her, she wept. She
thought of the person she used to be
and grimaced at how different she was
now, how much of a shadow she had
become. She thought of her children,
aged five, three, and two years
respectively, all female. She thought of
the brutish manner he pried her
thighs apart, the way he clenched his
teeth, the alternate contraction and
relaxation of the muscles of his
shoulder and thighs as he thrust in
and out of her. She tried to remember
how their life had been, how her life
had been, before they had their first
child. Had there been smiles?
Laughter? But it seemed her memories
were determined to play hide and seek
with her. The only things she
remembered- and with much clarity-
were heavily handed blows and the
smell of hospitals.
There was no use fighting. She gave up
the fight a long time ago, after she
realized that there was no way she
could win. She submitted herself to the
sting of his belt as it hit her buttocks,
knelt down with her hands held
behind her back as he slapped her
with such ferocity that she temporarily
lost the use of her left eye. Her cries
were reduced to soft whimpers-
careful not to alert the neighbors-
when he punched her face so hard that
he knocked out one of her front teeth.
The few times she had opted to return
to her parents house- he did not let
her work and so she had no money
and no other place to go- she was
beaten by her mother and dragged
back to his house, where she received
even more torment. She tried to block
out the memory of the things he had
done to her, but the shrunken skin of
her feet, where they had been dipped
into boiling water, proved to be more
than enough reminder.
As the silent tears continued to stream
down her face, she wondered what he
would do to her if he ever found out
that she had begun to take
contraceptive pills.
————————-
“The wedding is the third most
important event a woman’s life, after
the actual marriage and having kids,
of course”, her mother had said to her,
as she tucked straying strands of hair
underneath the professionally tied gele
on her daughter’s head.
So while the modalities of the
traditional wedding were going on,
she, the obedient daughter, was more
concerned about having a perfect
event. She was busy whispering into
the ears of her younger sister, asking
if all the guests had had enough to eat
and so she failed to notice when he, in
the presence of his family members
and hers, with a loud, almost pained
voice, said, “after the exorbitant
amount of money I have spent on her
bride price, she better gives me plenty
of sons”. She was reeling in shock
from her sister’s claim that they were
running out of egusi soup, and so, she
also failed to notice the collective ‘ah’
and ‘na so’ that resonated from the
side of his family and her mother’s
small voice saying, “she will give you
many sons, don’t worry”.
————————-
The first time he hit her, they had
been on a short vacation in the second
month of their marriage, after she had
told him that she did not want to start
trying for children immediately. She
wanted him to choose between using a
condom and her using the pill. After
the beating, he had bought her ice
cream and a necklace and had told her
that he loved her, he would never
again do anything to hurt her. She
bought the story and forgave him.
The second time he hit her, she had
recently returned from the hospital
after having their first daughter. He
muttered as he climbed unto her that
their next child had better be a boy,
and she ignorantly said, “what if it’s a
girl, is there anything wrong with
having female children?” This time,
there was no ice cream, no necklace,
and no claim of unending love. And
because she tried to fight back, he
made sure to beat her every single day
afterwards, until he was certain that
he had broken her.
Also, he stopped being gentle in the
bedroom.
