Things I have tried, in order to reach a state where my life felt like it was all put together, where it was all in order, and to never again feel bad:
Meditating
Yoga
Reading lots of spiritual books
Attending workshops
Counseling, therapy, coaching
Raw foods diets (the books always talk about feeling so “clear” and “mentally alert”)
Workshops oriented around catharsis
There are more things that I could list off, but I’ll stop there–you get the picture. All the while, I was searching for something that the searching itself was going to keep me from finding–because all the while, I was “doing stuff” in order to maintain the illusion of control.
The hope was always this—that if I only meditated enough, or attended the right workshop, or got centered enough in yoga, perhaps I could stop the feelings of worthlessness, fear, and despair.
Perhaps, with enough personal development, I could get some ground under my feet and start to feel like I was a good person.
My history included suicidal depression, an eating disorder, cutting, and explosive rage, and I was mired in shame about all of it.
Undertaking a workshop or spiritual practice was both my penance as well as (I hoped) my doorway out of hell.
Read Also: 9 Ways to Bounce Back From Failure
The Illusion of Control
Iyanla VanZant calls control “the number one human addiction.”
I wholeheartedly agree.
When we’re in control, we’re on a high. Life is going our way, and we love believing that it was our little will that made it happen, and that if we continue to exert our will, we’ll continue to be in control.
It’s a dangerous illusion, because the flipside will inevitably circle back around:
Life will hand us circumstances that we cannot control. Sometimes life will even hand us exactly what we believed we wanted the entire time, and we’ll find ourselves unable to enjoy it–or to control how we feel about that!
And like true addicts, few of us acknowledge that we have a problem. We’re in denial. I meet very, very few people who are willing to acknowledge their control issues. Instead, they say things like this:
“I’m not trying to control anything–isn’t it right to expect that if someone says they’re going to do something, they should do it?”
Being right? Expectations? Should?
These words point straight to the heart of control.
Control will put you under the illusion that your perspective is the “right” one, that expectations get you anywhere, and that “shoulds” are effective in changing other people’s behavior.
“If I just put my mind to it, I know that I will make it happen.”
Might be true–but if it doesn’t happen, what then? An addiction to control will have you worrying in the background the entire time, fixated on getting that fix at all costs. What if it doesn’t happen? Cue depression, rage, or your withdrawal symptom of choice.
Control is only ever an illusion. It doesn’t exist. We think it exists, but that’s only an outside appearance–a coincidence of sorts in which factors that were visible appear to come together.
READ MORE:https://pricelezz247.blogspot.com.ng/2018/04/editors-note-dont-miss-this-inspiring.html
