This is what I found in my journal from
August , 1996
.
"R.I.P DADDY I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND I
ALWAYS HAVE
the Worst day of my life. was in the year 1996. the day I lost my dad .his name was esowe ukario egbe, the best dad,best friend and uncle. I
can't believe it. It's bullshit. It's not fair. I
need a Dad.
Even if he's messed up. Just a
step-dad isn't the same.
Why that year? I mean
did it really have to be?
why didn't he extend till 2001 or 2016, What did he do to
deserve this?
He meant well, he wanted to
get better. He was trying to get better!! I
may not have had the best relationship
with him,cos I met him when I was very small. but I don't care, neither me or
him deserve this. Last time I saw him was
1996 when I was a kid of 4 months , That's the last
time I talked to him, too. I said "Bye Daddy,
I love you, I'll call you later or somethin' like that cause I was a kid!"
Last thing I ever said. I'm so sorry Daddy. I
was going to call you,maybe, I'm so sorry. I was
too small to talk then, but its too late now . maybe Me and modester
were going to be at your room tomorrow before you died .
Daddy I just want to say i love you so much no matter what I
ever said. You ARE the best Dad I take back
anything I ever said about that. You're the
best. You're the nicest man I've ever
known. Most loving, most everything. It
doesn't matter what killed or
whatever the hell the call it.
It doesn't
matter because you're my dad. Words
cannot explain how much I still loved you
and hoped and prayed for you no matter
what happened. Just why now. Why.
Why did you have to leave me on this lonely world and wicked place , it's not fair.
Sorry I was a brat and never patient. Sorry
if I swear in this, I know you hate it. You
don't want me to until I'm 18. I'm never
gonna forget, you're a winner. You can do
anything. Be a good kid, a good student,
go to college, quit drinking, quit
smoking.
Who cares if you did stupid things
when you were young? You were a kid of
course you did. You never did a stupid
thing when you were my dad. Were? You
still are and always. I promise Daddy I'll
never smoke, never be an alcoholic, and
ABSOLUTELY NEVER GIVE UP! And it's all
because of you. You're my idol, my role-
model, my dad. We all loved you so much
and we always will. Promise me you'll
always be looking down on me. I promise
I'll remember when I have children , I Will always teach them what my dad never taught me cause you left me earlier, Daddy I don't know
what else to say. You're up in Heaven with
Matthew and Daniel. I hope you're happy
with your sons and tell them I said Hi and I
love them too. Daddy I love you so much
you have no idea . You have no idea how much I miss you
already. Tell me how Heaven is soon, okay?
I love you."
Don't be afraid to share your story. if you lost yours too but if yours is still alive take good care of him cause I miss my dad so much. I have tried hard to forget about him but couldn't.
is so heavy to carry such sadness in my heart each I remember I haven't ever tasted fathering love,each time I see others celebrates father's day but I got no one to wish happy father's day.
I started to live a live of no father right from my 6months old,got no to understand me like a son, no body to show me fathering love. I cry each I remember you will be plus my age as the year passes. you left me when I was still sucking breast.
till my dying I promise to love you and will never leave my children like you did.
love you dad
this my 21 years on earth and
this 21 years you left the earth
