Today na today!! Read, laugh on till you get tire'd

Lord have mercy!!! Hahahaha... I don die! I no wan imagine am at all because the imagination wan bring memory of my past experience in a scene where there was such organic bomb explosion.

-part2- Before I comot for house today, I don ask God for forgiveness. Because I know say papa God vex no dey tey. He fit vex small o, but bible don talk am say papa God vexing no dey last, na him mercy last pass him vex. As a suicide bomber, man pikin go gats prepare him house because I no say I go follow for the victims. I don even prepare my tithe so that when I go dey bounce go altar go drop am, pepo no go suspect anything. Na dat time I go press the button,(their father two left leg!). So as I dey go buy mama sikira beans for junction, I dey speak in tongues… Mama Sikira beans no be anyhow beans o. Na correct Omi-ewa type. Those one wey no dey thick. Wey dey be like water. Na orisi-orisi dey inside the beans. I buy fish, egg, and plantain, to make the ting strong and to do the work well well, I con buy moi-moi join am. Today na today! As I dey come back , I con branch the chemist shop wey dey near our house con buy three peak milk. Una go dey wonder say I no go get stomach palaver? No worry ya sef at all. To be continue

Hahahahahahahhahahahahahhahhhahahahahahhahhahahahahahha

Lolzzzzzz jux cos U̶̲̥̅̊ wan revenge???

That u bomb wil only kill you at last.u can use the temple of God 4 that kind of thing

Heheheh,continue nw

Lolllzzz oya continue

loz, where did God take of revenge in bible?.....cant laugh alone!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...... Dis one na lauf die, ma bro today na 2day u go bomb dem tire nd u go flw die oh. Hahahahahahahahaha

(Wizzy is back) sori for d delay guys, i make it up to u today is just that i have been writing exam

Part3 Day before yesterday, I don go meet mama tope for her regular agbo jedi.I don drink am take clean my belle well well! So no cause for alarm, the only alarm wey go blow, na for inside church today! Na me talk am, yes na me talk am. But by the time I chop the food finish I con dey regret. Shey na like this suicide bombers dey feel before dem go operations? Chai, all my belle don full, so te I no fit move again. By this time, sun don dey come down small, small, traffic don dey tie wrapper as usual for Lagos. To make matter worst, shit con dey worry me. Chai see F*** up! This one na serious f*** up! I must manage reach church do this ting sharp-sharp.con waka comot without any suspicion. Yes that means I go change my plans. I go just use style sidon for back so that when I release the bomb ehn I go just escape.-But that one no go be suicide bomb again o….My guy Nigerians no be suicide bombers. Yes we no be suicide bombers. Go ask Abdul mutalab. Even if Boko Haram dey do am, I no believe say na dem dey do am. E go be pepo wey come from Niger or Chad. Yes for Nigerian culture, we no dey kill ourself by ourself. Na only Oyinbo get day kain mind. I trust my pepo we no dey commit suicide at all, at all. Anyway my plan still dey as e suppose dey. But I dey fear one ting o.I dey fear. I dey fear make I no go sidon near one fine babe o. Dat one go be big yawa! Imagine if I release am inside church near the babe? Anyway that one no go be problem-I go just bone! Yes I go form innocent.Na wetin I go do be that. Chai, the shit one drop sha. I must begin dey run go church now, after all six don nak. Na so my journey start o. As I enter the okada, e bi like say the shit don drop from my trouser. But no be shit, na the ting. The smell na Ogbonge! This kain smell go make devil fly window. Na dis type of smell dey cast devil out. This kain smell na die! Even the okada man dey form seriousness, meanwhile the thing wan kill am o! Chai, this one na correct bomb. Me , myself I confirm am. This one na confirmento like OBJ dey talk for Wazobia fm. The thing dey smell pass rat wey don die. The environment just die! Yes this is very good. The one wey dem release for church the other day no smell reach. Today person go die, people go die! As a correct guy I kukuma use scope dey brush my nose with my hand, the smell o bad gan. Today their father! As I reach church, na him I jam Yetunde for gate. She just dey enter church too. Yetunde, na one of those fine girls for church wey dey get long hair. And when dem dey pray, prayer go dey hungry you. I dey tell you the truth. If you sidon near babes like Yetunde for church, church go sweet pass dankwa. True to God! ”Hello how was your day?” with fonee na she take ask me o. As a sharp warri guy wey no dey slack, me sef I answer am, quick quick, “very fine and yours?” “Not bad”, as we dey talk so we dey waka o. We dey waka go the small auditorium wey we dey take do midweek service for we church. At once na him I feel the ting dey come again, before I say “A-b-u-j-a”, d ting don fly out from my yansh o. See me see gbege! This one oooo baaaaaaaad gani, o baaaaaad gan! “What is smelling”, Yetunde don talk before I open my mouth to take excuse say I wan go toilet. “It must be the refuse bin around the corner”, quick quick the grammar do yanger comot for my mouth. Before I fit talk again na him I just fumble…! My entire jeans trouser don wet finish, con heavy. With shame na him I just tanda for where I dey as Yetunde leave me dey hurry to enter church. She no know say I don stop for back. Chai, I don shit for body! This one na double wahala live! Osalobua, my belle need surgery. God don catch me today! I never even enter church chai see massive f*** up! Ope o nobody dey come for my back. Thank God say before I comot for house I wear two trousers, in case of any incasity. We no dey carry last for warri, today na today! Make I enter toilet first, I dey come….

Hahahahahahaha.......viz one bad qan......ah dy lauqh till tearz dy come out 4rm mah eyes....... Abeq enter toilet comot come ooo ah still dy wait 4 ya.......lol

heheheh I no fit laff abeg

Lol.... Guy no worry ntin de apun, i dey wit u

Hahahahahahahahaha I just dy think am say dis guy go shit 4 body nd e com 2 pass, choi ur own yakare(finish)....Abeg feed m more

Part4 Some pepo go dey wonder why I wan revenge for church today. Well sha na small ting make crayfish bend-condition. I must not fall my pepo hand for warri. Bcus if dem hear dis tori, and say I no do my own back dem fit dis-son me. Yes! Dem go say wetin I dey do for Lagos if I no fit represent dem well? Dem go even remind me say we no dey come last patapata na draw go end am. Dat is why Me, Akpos Andrew must answer my papa name today. Today I don ready. Shuuuoooo see me as I dey sweet like Christmas goat inside this toilet. The smell fit kill person. I must do quick before church go finish. The make up of this bomb is sophisticated like oyinbo man go talk am. Our toilet for church wey if you balance dey do the ting, mosquito go dey do usher. Today, I no even see one single mosquito, all of dem don die! Na the result of my atomic bomb be dat o. I sure say even the ones wey hear the smell ehn con manage escape, no go fit born normal mosquito again. The ting go be like wetin Japan dey still dey suffer because of the bomb wey America throw put for Hiroshima- nagazaki. Yessss. Even mosquito don disappear from inside toilet! This one na good bomb, this bomb na insecticide! Raid no go sell reach am. I must not finish this shit o… I must keep some so that I go fit still mess. The mess wey go smell well, well pass the perfume wey my church pepo like to dey spray for dem body. Ehmmnnnnnn! Tombo! Na one shotput be dat wey enter the water system. My face con strong.I con be like persin wey wan cry. Chai! Na my body this ting comot from? Anyway since na my own, I must enjoy the smell.As I finish, I clean my body con wear my trouser. Yes,dem go hear am today! But Shit still dey worry me o but I must bear am, bcus If I shit everything finish, my plans don spoil be dat. I pray say make the persin wey do the last one dey around. I want make he smell am so dat he go know say khaki no be leather. By the time wey I enter inside church, our pastor don dey preach. Yes. This na the best time to do am.

Part5 “Good evening and welcome to church” the usher, one fine babe wey tall con dark na she welcome me. Con smile. She just ask me to follow her to the sit wey I go sidon put -Pepo just dey look us as we dey waka go for the seat, the pastor dey preach own go. To con make the matter good well well, she con put me for middle. Dat one mean say I go fit spread the thing fine,fine. To the front, to the back and for middle nobody go fit escape this one.E con be say na near Yetunde I sidon. With Yetunde by my side tings go surely happen! As I sidon for about 3 minutes make I just release the bomb, the bomb no gree detonate! See WAHALA! I no go gree at all. I still dey fumble, dey try to release the ting. I shift my yansh go left, shift am go right. I use style shake my belle to see if the ting go mix… but notin. Chai!By this time Yetunde con dey worry, “hope there is no problem?” The eyes wey I take look am ehn? She sef cool down. 30 minutes…, 45 minutes… nothing don happen. Alarm never blow. “If you have your tithe with you please come forward and drop it” pastor don dey call for tithe. I just dey hiss as I stand up. I no kukuma hear wetin he dey preach since morning. I just manage stand up con dey waka for the aisle to the altar. As I just dey reach altar na him I just feel the ting dey come small small, but the ting no go do him work well for near altar. I must make sure say I reach my sit before alarm go blow! As I reach my sit, my eyes no fit believe wetin e see, my ears no fit describe the sound wey e hear. But My nose, my nose wey papa God give me with love no suffer.Thank God. As I reach my sit, wetin my ears hear na DUMMMMM!!! I no just believe am.

The last The sound come from where Yetunde sidon. With boldness na him I look am, but she con use shame say sorry but e don late. Pepo wey dey our back and front don hear d ting. But the ting no smell. You know say woman mess no dey smell, e no dey smell at all. But make e for smell, na dat time my own con ready. The ting con tanda like blon-blon wey wan burst for my yansh. See correct opportunity,I no slack at all… As a gentle man, I just sufri release am like say foam…na for there church close! ************************************** *************************** Everybody just turn their face go where Yetunde dey. As a sharp guy me sef follow look her side.Con bone join. “Yeetuunddeeee ki ni o je wa si church?” The Yoruba woman wey dey for our back no waste time speak her language as she squeeze her face like persin wey drink lime water. She ugly die! Today na today! Both handkerchief, both bible, both book, both hand nothing gree work this time around. None of dem fit comot the smell. Na hin everybody just dey face door small small. “A haaan?”, “Ehmnnn?” “AHH” different talk from every corner. “Arghhhhhhh”. Pastor don escape through the back door. The smell by now don form society inside the auditorium everybody con dey run up and down. I must confess, the smell baaaaad!!!! For my mind, I don do my own back, their father! That p-square dem song just dey play for my mind…If you do me I do you, man no go vex….. Even when I know say God dey vex, I don achieve my plan—- draw-draw! “Yetunde don kill us ooooooooo…” As I talk am I dey face the door, still dey release small small bomb…. We no even say the grace church just end like that! **THE END **

lolz.

Me dey feel u die jor

Lolz, u won kill person wit laff

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee U don kill be with laugh oooo see my tummy is hurtin

HohohohoHahahahahahahahahahuhuhuhu u no good o.......ur act go make yetunde lack Husband 4 dat church nw.

guy c as i de cry kal am lafta

hahahahahahhahahaha lmao hahahaha....mha ribs oo...chei vhix piece is so funny cnt stp lafin

Lwtmb, bia wisdom go buy pain relief for me o cos belle dan dey pain me for diz cry wey i dey cry say na laff. Yeye pikin, u con put am for dat innocent yetunde head! Chai o badt gan o!. Guy u try wella.

I gbadun dis yur tori opo Really laughable and Goody 1

Ha swear!! Ha don die wit lafter..... @wisdom ....u no do good oooo....c as u make person announce im own obituary

Lol

hhahahaha,guy u craze oooooooo,church inside paaaaaaaa???????????

@wisdom... Belle don dey pain me say i dey laff.... Warri... Una too much... Una no dey kari last atall.

See how i dey lough like mad man

Llollz

i dnt blame u sha....buh jux rememba dat ur purnishmnt is awaitinq u....