If you find yourself constantly swiping left on Tinder,
then you know what qualities you want in a guy. It
can be hard, however, to tell if they act like a boy or a
man. Don’t be fooled;YourTango has rounded up a
list of all things that make up a true gentleman below.
In fact, I feel that every man and woman on the
planet should be made to watch “Gone With The
Wind” at least twice, if only to teach men how to be
men and women how to separate them from the
boys. And if you are dating in the here and now, you
know where the boys are: on Tinder, on Match, on
the street, making vulgar statements about what
they’d like to do with you and where. They’re in your
phone texting sexual innuendos before they know
your last name and asking to “hang out” because
they’re terrified of committing to the idea of a proper
date.
Rhett Butler would not do any of this.
Rhett was a man in control of himself. He dressed
and spoke well, loved better, and had a great sense
of humor, sometimes of questionable taste. He was
unafraid to speak his mind, stand his ground, fall
wildly in love, and show his love (and fight for it, too).
Now, before you remind me that I’m speaking about
a fictional character, I’ll let you in on a little secret: I
was raised by a man who lived this way and know a
few men who live this way now, and make no
mistake: they do wonderfully with women.
As a woman, there’s nothing better than being in
the presence of a man who relishes in his
masculinity in a way that doesn’t involve the
obvious chest-pounding and cat-calling, but the
confident reserve of a gentleman. Now, before you
accuse me of hating men, let me be clear; I love more
things about men than I can put into one article. This
is not about finding female empowerment though
man-bashing. Quite the opposite, actually. It’s a
celebration of the grown up man’s man who
knows how to treat a woman. What does this man
look like, to me, at least? Well…
1. He is hygienic, but cleans his nails and trims his
nose hairs outside of a nail salon. Think about it:
Would Hemingway or Gladiator be getting his nails
buffed? Methinks not.
2. He can balance both swag and sophistication and a
career and a personal life without too many
proverbial exclamation points (and certainly not
multiple ones in a text message. No, no, no).
3. He reserves his “LOL” for actual laughter, which he
exudes out loud and often.
4. He isn’t looking to play “pen pal” with you through
your iPhone because he knows that all text and no
play makes Johnny a very dull boy.
5. When he’s interested in a woman, he doesn’t wait
three days to call her, but he does actually call her,
and when he does, he asks her out for dinner, makes
reservations, picks a great bottle of wine (because he
knows how to) and then makes sure she gets home
safely.
6. If he wants to see her again, he lets her know, and
if he doesn’t, he politely lets her know that it was a
pleasure to spend time with her, even if it wasn’t. He
does, however, let her know gently and firmly enough
that he’s not interested so that she doesn’t waste her
time thinking it might become something it won’t.
7. He reads actual books and newspapers and holds
opinions on everything from scotch pairings to world
events all the while understanding that not all of his
opinions are facts and that not everyone has to agree
with him in order for him to maintain his
relationships or his manhood. In fact, he enjoys it
when you don’t agree with him because it means he
gets to indulge you in a good debate or leave you
thinking a little bit harder about things than when you
sat down in front of him.
8. He opens doors and takes coats, not because he
feels a woman is weak, but because he is strong
enough to show that he cares about the comfort of
those around him.
9. Sure, he might want to get into a woman’s bed, but
he’s also interested in getting into her head as
experience has shown him that seduction is a
delicate dance and the man who resides in her mind
has conquered every other part of her.
10. He appreciates a woman who shows she cares for
him, but he isn’t interested in being courted. He
enjoys taking the lead in courting and doesn’t need to
be “chased” because he’s in desperate need of an ego
stroke. He also won’t play “puppy dog” to a woman
who takes advantage of this.
11. He doesn’t look to be anyone’s father or savior,
and he doesn’t pretend to be the leading man in any
woman’s fairy tale. He’s just a man looking for a
partner who can slay her own dragons, pay her own
bills and explore the world alongside him.
12. He looks for a woman who doesn’t need him, but
wants him, not for money or the happiness or a baby
or a safety net, but solely for who he is.
13. He has a career, a hobby, a family of close friends
and a favorite way to have his steak prepared and he
isn’t the least bit intimidated when the woman in
front of him shares these qualities; quite the
contrary, it makes him want her more.
14. He has taken the time to get to know himself and
has a strong understanding of his own character and
convictions, what he values and what he doesn’t. He
is a man who is honest with himself about himself
and therefore is OK being honest with those around
him.
15. He takes as much pride in the way he treats
women he’s with as he does his job and the way he
looks.
16. He’s not the bad boy, a good boy, or a boy at
all; he’s a man. A leading man, and he’s looking not
for a good girl, but a great woman. One who shares
all of the solid qualities that he brings to the table,
and perhaps, can teach him something along the
way. He’s willing to wait and work for this woman, to
fight for her and will gladly hold out for her as long
as he needs to. But when she comes along, he
doesn’t sit on the fence; he’s smart enough to know
when he’s gotten damned lucky. And when she finds
him, she should be smart enough to know the same
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