The other day, I was going to see
my friend ; she’s female by the
way (because somehow in matters
like this, we have to explain the
who, what, where, so they can see
if what we’re saying has
substance, but I’m coming to that).
Anyway, I had on, a really big
blouse, leggings, bathroom slippers
and no make up, plus I use glasses,
so imagine what I looked like. Lol, I
wouldn’t even talk to me, if I saw
me on the road, right?
So, I’m well on my way and a tout
legit rubs against my face with his
black stained fingers, grinning rusty
teeth. I am rooted to the spot in
shock because I DO NOT
UNDERSTAND! I CANNOT EVEN
BELIEVE THAT HAPPENED!! I can’t
react either, because they will beat
me and nothing will happen, lol.
I take it to my status and go all,
Guys, y’all won’t believe what just
happened…
I was not even done with my story
when another tout came out of a
taxi he was loading and grabbed
me, I don’t know if to get me to
enter the taxi which I didn’t even
know where it was going but I was
definitely headed the opposite
direction, but I was stunned. It was
like I was tongue tied as I made
away.
Harassment is often what I read
online, it doesn’t make sense and it
didn’t make any sense that it would
happen to me, I mean, I was not
attractive looking, no make up,
baggy clothes, like boy, what’s the
deal?
Surprisingly, a lot of ladies replied
my status with their own tales of
woe. You see, at first I didn’t want
to put it up for fear of looking
dramatic or overreacting but when I
heard what these ladies had to say,
I was stunned. How come nobody
talks about this? Like, it just
happens and somehow you move
on. How?
One said she had her boobs
grabbed by an Aboki in Abuja and
when she started screaming at him,
his bandwagon creeped on her and
she had to, well, behave, because
you know…
Another laughed and said it
happens a lot in yaba. She said it
in an off-handed manner of forced
acceptance, you know when
something is so rampant, you can’t
even kill yourself about it again…
One that amazed me was the one
whose ass was tapped, and hard,
because she wore yoga pants to
the market.
I had an earful and it felt like I’ve
been living under a rock all the
while. I used to think there was a
“type” when it comes to all this
and I was always safe, but no,
there’s no type, anything that looks
female is good to go ; just like
rape, it’s not about what you wear
or look like, it’s about the rapist or
in this case, the harasser.
Going home from my friend’s
house, another one tried to grab
me and I dodged it, you learn
defence when it’s much, right?
Someone sent me a whatsapp
message, like,
“Oya it’s okay, leave us guys and our
wahala… “
Believe me, I read it twice because
I didn’t want to believe someone
said that, but he did, he referred to
them as “guys”, like how you would
talk about friends or males you’re
acquainted to and not a greasy
stranger who probably had too
much of weed before the sun was
high, and he went on to say he
wasn’t defending them but trying to
see reasons for their actions.
Okurrrr!
Bye Felicia!
Like, girl, just byee.
I didn’t have the strength to school
him, it didn’t look worth it to me, I
just left the message on read.
This reminds of when there was
some sort of walk in yaba market
targeted at the traders there,
educating them about how its not
okay to grope, grab, touch or
molest someone because you’re
trying to get them to buy from you
or you find them attractive or your
color, whatever.
If you saw the videos and
comments, the ladies were mocked
and told if they didn’t like it, they
shouldn’t come to the market, that
it’s the traders being traders, that’s
how they work their trade. Some
even said guys get groped too, in a
bid to make it sound okay.
It’s not okay, it’s never okay, forget
social conditioning, it’s not okay to
touch anyone inappropriately and
especially without their permission,
for any reason whatsoever.
Just a few touts touching my skin
and grabbing me made me feel
dirty for half the day, then imagine
those getting their asses slapped,
boobs grabbed and all what nots. I
told someone this was violation
and she all but laughed in my face,
like I was using the word out of
context.
Is it that we don’t know or is the system that broken?
